How Alycia Lane's call to Rendell, Eagles zealot, might have sounded

Dave Boyer

is a member of the Inquirer Editorial Board

News item: CBS3 anchor Alycia Lane tried to call Gov. Rendell last Sunday during an Eagles-Cowboys game to "tell her side of the story" of her encounter with a New York City cop. She didn't get through until Monday. But what if she had?

Governor:

Hello?

Lane:

Hi, governor! It's your favorite hottie TV news woman!

Governor:

Leslie?

Lane:

Guess again.

Governor:

Cecily? Erin?

Lane:

No, it's Alycia, governor. A-l-y-c-i-a.

Governor:

Alycia! Can you hang on a minute, sweetheart? It's third down. I gotta see this play.

Lane:

Oh, well, OK.

Governor:

Go! Go!

Lane:

But you just told me to wait.

Governor:

Huh? No, not you. I was yelling at the TV. What's wrong, Alycia? Did you e-mail pictures of yourself in a bikini to somebody's wife again?

Lane:

No, I got arrested.

Governor:

Oh! What a hit!

Lane:

So you've heard about it already? I swear, governor, I didn't hit that policewoman!

Governor:

You hit who? Run! Run!

Lane:

You really think I should leave town?

Governor:

No, not you, Alycia. Go ahead, tell me what happened.

Lane:

Well, my boyfriend and I were in a cab with friends. It was late. We were in the meatpacking district.

Governor:

Did he score? Yes!

Lane:

Honestly, governor, that's beside the point.

Governor:

Huh? Uh, go on, Alycia.

Lane:

We were behind this car that was going really, really slow. It was like, so frustrating. So my boyfriend got out and yelled at them.

Governor:

What a terrible call!

Lane:

You're right, governor, he should have stayed in the cab. But what's done is done. Anyway, the next thing I know, they were grabbing him.

Governor:

Yes, they tackled him! Flattened him!

Lane:

Governor, you are so insightful. It's like you were there. Anyway, it turns out they were plainclothes cops!

Governor:

Dammit! Somebody missed an assignment there!

Lane:

Not at all, governor! I got out my iPhone to take pictures. Because I

am

a reporter, you know.

Governor:

Gotta punch it in now.

Lane:

I'm telling you, there was no punching! They say I hit the female officer and called her a derogatory name that's slang for "lesbian." But that is totally not what happened, governor. I never touched her, and I didn't call her a name, either. I may have said something like, "I'm a reporter, speak into my

mike

." But I would never use that other nasty word.

Governor:

C'mon, c'mon, air it out more!

Lane:

More? I've really told you everything. I feel better getting this off my chest. You are such a good listener, governor. I will never forget this.

Governor:

It's fourth down. Go for it! Go for it!

Lane:

You think I should fight the charges? Yes, I see what you mean. It's fourth down on my career. I need to go for it! Governor, I don't know how to thank you.

Governor:

Huh? Don't mention it, Alycia. Midge! Beer me!