By Steve Young
Graduates, parents, faculty members, administrators, groundskeeper Willie: As you move from the hallowed halls of higher education and on to the rest of your life, the challenges you face will be many. The following wisdom, gleaned from some of the greatest thinkers of our time, should help you meet them head-on.
U.S. Sen. Arlen Specter: Switching teams to win works only if you're leaving the Sixers.
Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer: This is a country of equal opportunity for all - as soon as the brown-skinned graduate in the second row shows me his papers.
Pennsylvania State Rep. Bill DeWeese: Just do the right - sorry, couldn't keep a straight face.
"Jersey Shore" star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi: One person's punch in the face is another's steppingstone to success.
Simon Cowell: The possibilities are plentiful, but not for you. Perhaps you ought to forget about even trying. This will be a better world for your lack of participation in it. I'm only being honest.
Donovan McNabb: Winning is a state of mind. Unfortunately, Philadelphia is not located in that state.
Glenn Beck: Never forget what the Founding Fathers believed in, or that cherry-picking from what they believed in can make for damn good television. And never, ever pass up the chance to label anyone you disagree with a Marxist, a communist, or a socialist - all three if necessary.
Bill O'Reilly: Always give your adversaries the last word, but never your last word.
George Alan Rekers, prominent antigay activist: You will acquire much baggage over the course of a lifetime, but if you find it's too much for you to carry, don't hire someone to carry it for you from Rentboy.com.
Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein: There are many honorable ways to make a living. Just don't send your resumé to me.
BP CEO Tony Hayward: Crises are only opportunities soaked in crude oil.
Sarah Palin: Always finish what you started, unless you have a lucrative book deal, speaking engagements, and a job waiting at Fox News.
Faisal Shahzad: If you're going to bomb, don't do it on Broadway.