It is spring and your juices are flowing right along with the budding trees. You feel relaxed and loving. But as you move closer to your partner and touch her with love and desire, she stiffens up and moves away from you.
Quickly she gets involved in some activity. It could be attending to the new baby, cleaning up the dishes or looking out the window. Or perhaps he starts talking about something else, anything to distract you. You say to yourself, “OK, it's not a good time” and accept it like a mature adult.
What if he continues to move away from you over and over again?
You face the truth. Your partner is rarely juicy and loving and relaxed.
A new father recently wrote me about his wife’s lack of interest in sex. Unfortunately he is not alone. Many women and men suffer in silence with a partner who avoids sexual, loving intimacy.
So what is going on?
The reason there is such a scarcity of good lovers in this world is due to a real problem, with a real solution. If your partner avoids sexual, loving, physical encounters, I would bet my 30 years of clinical experience that he is too anxious to slow down and be with you. Anxiety is the major, bottom-line, real problem.
There are 9.1 million Americans aged 18 to 54 who suffer from anxiety disorders. This does not include the millions who have not been labeled with an official diagnosis. The millions who have trouble sitting down and relaxing under a cherry tree all afternoon long in the sun. The millions who cannot rest their body and mind so they can enjoy the moment, the day, the light, the energy of love.
Here are 8 Signs That Indicate You have Anxiety
1 Breathing stops up high in your chest
2 Your thoughts are obsessive, racing or telling you all the things you should do
3 Your body is too tight and tense or too fat and loose
4 You are unable to sit still and be in the moment without activities such as reading, watching TV, talking
5 You aren't aware of your physical body
6 You aren't aware of the area around your body
7 You are hyperventilating - gasping for air though your mouth
8 You have a "startle response" to any situation in your environment
When you let your anxiety take over and ruin your day, you are adding fuel to all your other problems. Your anxiety is sure to get worse with each passing day, resulting in serious mental health, emotional health and sexual health problems. Nervous energy not only diminishes the quality of your life, but it causes many major physical diseases which cannot be easily corrected.
Legal or illegal anti-anxiety drugs are dangerous and psychotherapy is extremely limited in its ability to relax the body and nervous system. You need effective, safe anxiety treatments which help you relax, love and get juicy.
Here are some real solutions for reducing anxiety naturally.
8 Ways to Reduce Your Anxiety Naturally
You can Learn to:
1 Consciously breathe fully into the bottom of your lungs
2 Calm your mind by taming your out-of-control thoughts
3 Pay attention to your emotional needs and meet them
4 Practice sitting still in silence without any activity such as reading, talking
5 Get and give physical touch to self and others
6 Look around you and pay attention to what is outside of you
7 Breathe through your nose and shut your mouth to stop hyperventilating
8 Reduce chronic anxiety with daily relaxation practices
When you give yourself the time to sit down and practice calming your nervous system, you are becoming more secure and present. When you are aware of your body you can be with yourself, your baby and your husband in rewarding and loving ways. New mothers need to let the baby lead the way. Notice your baby's breathing and flowing energy, then emulate it. Relax into their breathing patterns.
All couples need to share time together being relaxed, or hanging out by the river drive or lake, or doing nothing. Then erotic, loving touches without expectations can spontaneously manifest and bloom, just like flowers do in the spring.
Doris Jeanette, Psy.D is a licensed psychologist and emotional health expert who has been training people to relax and do nothing for sexual health reasons for 30 years. She is author of “Overcoming Anxiety Naturally,” an online educational course, and teaches Anxiety Reduction Classes in center city Philadelphia. She welcomes comments at