Giving 'Em Fitz: No time for 'Silent Night'

It's Christmas week, and that means it's time for our annual sports-related carols:

"The Winter Time Blues"

(To the tune of "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year")

It's the least bearable time of the year.

The Phillies are idle, and I'm suicidal with little but hockey to cheer.

It's the least bearable time of the year.

It's the crap-crappiest season of all.

The Eagles are finished, their dream much diminished, I long for "Play ball."

It's the crap-crappiest season of all.

All those nights with no game on.

Please just turn the flame on.

And insert my head in the stove.

If I'm forced to watch skating,

My life I'll be hating

And into the pit I'll have dove.

It's the least bearable time of the year.

Not even one fun day, no golfing on Sunday to bring me some cheer.

It's the least bearable time of the year.

"Yo, Do You Hear What I Hear?"

(To the tune of "Do You Hear What I Hear?")

Said the hopeless geek to the Tweeting nerd,

"Do you hear what I hear

"Buzzing through the vast blogospehere?

"Do you hear what I hear?

"The Phils, the Phils will soon move to L.A.

"And the Eagles will trade with Green Bay

"And the Eagles will trade with Green Bay."

Said the hopeless geek to the Tweeting nerd,

"Do you hear what I hear?

"Buzzing through the vast blogospehere?

"Do you hear what I hear?

"DeSean, DeSean will retire on May 6

"And Jay Wright will be coaching the Knicks

"And Jay Wright will be coaching the Knicks"

Said the hopeless geek to the Tweeting nerd,

"Do you hear what I hear?

"Buzzing through the vast blogospehere?

"Do you hear what I hear?"

"Penn State, Penn State will soon hire Dick Vermeil

"And Chase Utley has broken his heel

"And Chase Utley has broken his heel."

"Utley the Woe Man"

(To the tune of "Frosty the Snowman")

Utley the Woeman was a dour, somber guy

With his slicked-back hair and his stoic glare

And two knees made out of pie.

Utley the Woeman used to be a star, they say.

He's got lots of dough but even children know

That he might have seen his day.

There used to be some magic in that old black bat he gripped.

But then he hurt his hands and knees

And, man, his numbers slipped.

Oh, Utley the Woeman

Works real hard, as you can see.

But I hate to say he now seems to play

Just the same as you and me

Slumpity, slump, slump

Slumpity, slump, slump

Too bad for Utley's woes.

Slumpity, slump, slump

Slumpity, slump, slump

Hope he doesn't break his toes.

"Dress Like Dopes"

(To the tune of "Deck the Halls")

Dress like dopes in Phillies unies.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

When did fans become such loonies?

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Don they now their lame apparel.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Me, I'd rather wear a barrel

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

"The Eagles at Christmas"

(To the tune of "I'll Be Home for Christmas")

We'll be done by Christmas

You can count on that.

4 and 8 wasn't great

We should have just stayed pat.

Christmas Eve will find us

One disheartened team.

We'll be done by Christmas

And that wasn't in our dream.

The new 76ers Theme 

(To the tune of "Let it Snow")

Oh, the NBA mess is history

And the Sixers still a mystery.

Will they finish real high or low?

Who can know? Who can know? Who can know?

Will the fans really start attending?

Or do the fences need more mending?

Will these owners fork out some dough?

Who can know? Who can know? Who can know?

When they finally start to play

Will the crowds once again be pathetic?

Has new ownership saved the day?

Or are the problems too deep and genetic?

Oh, the NBA mess is history

And the Sixers still a mystery.

Will they finish real high or low?

Who can know? Who can know? Who can know?

"Oh, Andy Reid"

(To the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree")

Oh, Andy Reid, Oh, Andy Reid

How dreadful are your answers.

They're dull and terse, you seem a sphinx.

And they're much worse when your team stinks.

Oh, Andy Reid, Oh, Andy Reid

How dreadful are your answers.