Groundhog Day, Philly sports style

It's a little-known fact that Punxsutawney Phil, the world's most famous groundhog, has a cousin who lives 283 miles to the east. Manayunk Manny roams just below Main Street on the banks of the Schuylkill. Once a year, the day before Phil becomes the world's most famous weather rodent, the two furry cousins meet in Harrisburg.

Before they burrowed down Sunday and watched Super Bowl XLIX, Phil and Manny reminisced about the previous year and discussed the big day ahead. The Inquirer was invited along and asked to transcribe the reunion. Here's what the newspaper's official translator of groundhogese believes they said.

Phil: "I'm feeling a little like a New England Patriots football these days."

Manny: "What's the problem? The whole world is going to be watching you tomorrow. You used to love that gig. They built you a fancy hole and thousands upon thousands of people come to see you at Gobbler's Knob every year. It's like Punxsutawney's answer to the Wing Bowl. You even got to act next to Bill Murray once and they gave you top billing in the movie."

Phil: "Yeah, have you seen Bill Murray lately? That movie is 22 years old. It's not the same anymore. I used to climb out of my hole, look for my shadow and tell the Inner Circle that there would either be six more weeks of winter or an early spring. Nobody cared if I got it right. It was just good, clean fun. Now, if we get a blizzard at the end of March I have to answer all these nasty e-mails and the crazy people on Twitter. And don't even get me started on the commenters. A couple years ago an Ohio prosecutor tried to have me sentenced to death just because I was a little off on the weather."

Manny: "I remember. You were found innocent beyond a shadow of a doubt. No big deal. Besides, I have it a lot worse than you."

Phil: "How do you figure?"

Manny: "Remember I told you last year that I had been hired as a sports rodent in Philadelphia?"

Phil: "Yeah. It didn't go well?"

Manny: "Put it this way: It's a lot easier being the weather rodent than it is being the sports one. You might go out there and forecast six more weeks of winter. I have to go out tomorrow and tell people there are 10 more weeks of 76ers games."

Phil: (Laughing uncontrollably) Ten weeks? Really? How many games?

Manny: "Thirty-four. Starting Monday against LeBron James and Cleveland. Cleveland! Can you believe he went back to Cleveland? The Sixers' slogan is Together We Build, but one part of the foundation is playing in Turkey and another is sitting on the bench and eating like he wants to be a float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade."

Phil: "Well, at least you still have the Flyers."

Manny: "Yeah, I have to come out of my hole to tell the people that there is 10 more weeks of that, too."

Phil: "They're not any good? They always beat my Penguins."

Manny: "That's true, but mostly they've been an inconsistent mess. Win four. Lose four. They're probably not going to make the playoffs for the second time in three years, which is awful when more than half the teams get in and they always have one of the highest payrolls in the league."

Phil: "What about the Phils? You know I like the Phils even though I live a lot closer to Pittsburgh."

Manny: "Vegas has them as the longest shot on the board to win the World Series. They are going to have more holes in their lineup than I have in my front yard. Their season is swirling down the drain and they haven't even reached spring training yet."

Phil: "So it's all about Chip Kelly and the Eagles? Did you notice my Steelers made the playoffs again?"

Manny: "Yeah, I noticed. The Eagles collapsed in December, became a soap opera in early January and now, with the Super Bowl over, we'll hear nothing but rumors about Marcus Mariota and the draft for the next 19,000 months."

Phil: "Do you think they'll get Marcus Mariota?"

Manny: "They have a better chance of drafting Marcus Jones, Smith or Haynes."

Phil: "Didn't they draft Marcus Smith last year in the first round?"

Manny: "Yeah, don't remind me."

Phil: "Well, you made me feel better about this weather thing."

Manny: "That's good, I guess."

Phil: "Listen, even Phil Connors eventually woke up to a better tomorrow. Happy Me Day!"