OK guys, it's time to come clean. 'Fess up.
For six months you've been telling your wives and girlfriends you want to go to the Super Bowl.
Anticipating an Eagles-Steelers showdown, you used the argument about never missing a Birds game, about Eagle Nation traveling like no group of fans west of Manchester United, and claimed that "all the other guys are going."
You've even said, "Besides, what kind of trouble could I get into in Tampa? I just want to do a little tarpon fishing and lie in the sun."
Well the Associated Press has blown your cover, guys.
Some poor soul at the wire service got the unsavory assignment of going out over the weekend to count the number of strip clubs in the Tampa area. So far he's up to 43, although his story didn't mention if he'd returned yet.
(Note to editors: How do you get an assignment like that? I used to count the strip joints on Admiral Wilson Boulevard, but that was strictly freelance. And from the outside.)
Tampa, affectionately called "The Lap Dance Capital of America," is strip-joint heaven.
The city boasts such exotic clubs as Lip Stixx and Centerfolds, the Bliss Cabaret and Diamond Dolls, the Wild Gentlemen's Club and (my favorite) Bare Assets.
The bars have spent eight years preparing for the onslaught of thirsty tourists, having last hosted the Supe in 2001. At least one joint is putting up a tent in the parking lot to handle the overflow. Others will stay open 24 hours a day.
Exotic dancers have left their usual gigs as far away as Vegas to jet into Tampa for the free-spending weekend.
A dancer named Claudia told the AP she has worked four Super Bowls and makes as much as $2,000 a day.
And here I thought all those sportswriters were headed to Tampa to browse the historic cigar factories in Ybor City.
Pathway to success. Since the Ravens moved to Baltimore from Cleveland before the 1996 season, all of their defensive coordinators have gone on to become head coaches: Marvin Lewis, Mike Nolan and Rex Ryan.
Write your own headline. The Washington Redskins laid off 10 more office employees yesterday, after having laid off more than 20 earlier in the month.
Director of player development John Jefferson and salary-cap analyst Jimmy Halsell were also let go.
According to Forbes Magazine, the Redskins are the second most valuable franchise in the NFL with an estimated worth of $1.538 billion.
They play in the NFL's largest stadium and have sold out every home game since the 1960s.
Is this for real? Our favorite Dallas Cowboy will star in his own reality show on VH1 this summer, giving fans a look into his life off the field.
Terrell Owens, who hardly ever gets any publicity now that he's relocated to Texas, will star along with his friend Monique Jackson and publicist Kita Williams.
The two will work as "matchmakers and therapists" for Owens and help him reexamine his personal life.
A reflective T.O., engaged in an introspective look at his life? Is this for real?
Nitwit Note of the Day. A new honor debuts with this column, recognizing the quality of the items posted below by readers.
Morning Report is going to select one post and honor it as "Nitwit Note of the Day." Any implication that the poster is a nitwit is unintended.
Yesterday's winner was Steve 5444, who informed:
"The Phillies just won the World Series . . . just happened 85 days ago."
Really? I thought that was the world's biggest Halloween parade on Oct. 31, with everybody disguised as Little Red Riding Hood.