THE SEAHAWKS thumped the Eagles. It was almost like taking candy from a baby. Not quite, because Marshawn Lynch already had all the candy he needed.
Marshawn's mom gives him a bag of Skittles before every game. Against the Eagles, he'd score a touchdown, go sit down, munch a handful of Skittles, get up, score a touchdown, sit down, munch some more Skittles.
Admit it, the game was so ugly you couldn't help but visualize which candy certain Eagles would be gulping under certain circumstances. Here's one man's list:
Butterfingers: Asante Samuel after slithering off another wide receiver while attempting a tackle. Also DeSean Jackson, after another for who, for what moment.
Buncha Crunch: A belated tribute to the tough play of special-teamer Colt Anderson.
Peanut Brittle: Michael Vick absorbs another brutal blow. Ditto Nate Allen.
Three Musketeers: Jeff Lurie, Joe Banner, Howie Roseman while wondering if this season will ever end.
Chuckles: For the beat writers after enduring another brutal Monday press conference. It's the only Chuckles they get.
Reese's Pieces: Beat the Giants and Steve Smith can unwrap the candy in front of New York's general manager, Jerry Reese.
PayDay: DeSean Jackson, if he ever gets a new deal here.
Push Pops: If Jamaal Jackson, 31, ever gets to play.
Mike and Ike: Barkann and Reese, while calming furious callers to WIP.
Milky Way: Another choice for DeSean Jackson, who seems to be from another galaxy.
Skor Bar: Shady McCoy after another touchdown.
Tootsie Roll: Nnamdi Asomugha's tackling technique. Perhaps Brian Rolle after another big hit.
Raisinets: Field-goal kicker Alex Henery because that's what the crew is doing, raisin' the nets behind the goal posts.
Milk Duds: Jaiquawn Jarrett if he ever locates his GPS and finds his way to the field.
Sour Patch Kids: To anybody who catches a pass in the red zone.
Ricola Honey-Herb drops: Andy Reid after he says he's gotta do a better job, coughs, and says, "The time's yours."
Whatchamacallit: Juan Castillo for his second-half adjustments.