A tribute to a youngster who loved team sports

Bishop Eustace ice hockey coach Mike Green says "team sports were built for a kid like Conor O'Kane."

That was true in life.

That was true in death.

That was sadly ironic and strangely comforting for the family and friends who gathered Wednesday for the "Conor O'Kane Tribute Game" at the Flyers Skate Zone in Pennsauken.

O'Kane, 19, who died Jan. 15 of a heart abnormality, was a good player. He was a sturdy defenseman for Bishop Eustace, one of New Jersey's best high school programs, and also played club hockey for La Salle University.

But despite his talent and competitiveness, O'Kane liked the trappings of team sports best of all – the camaraderie, the fun in the locker room, the mellow song that somehow became the anthem for a tough squad in a tough game.

"Conor loved athletics," said his father, Bill O'Kane. "He loved the team aspect of it. He loved being with his teammates."

Team players are never alone. If you're all about the team, the team is all about you.

And if you play team sports for a long time – and Conor O'Kane started playing ice hockey as a wobbly four-year-old with the other wobbly four-year-olds on Guy Gaudreau's team at Hollydell Ice Arena in Sewell – you develop an extended family.

You have dozens of teammates and former teammates. You have coaches and former coaches. You have parents and grandparents and siblings of former teammates.

It's this huge, interconnected support system. It's a big party when things are good. It's a couple of hundred shoulders to cry on when unimaginable tragedy takes a young man in the prime of his life.

"So many people have opened their hearts to us," Bill O'Kane said.

It was a touching scene before Wednesday's game between Bishop Eustace and Gloucester Catholic. There was an unveiling of a large banner that showed Conor O'Kane's jersey No. 22, a prayer, a moment of silence.

Then came a loud recording of "White Houses" by Vanessa Carlton – a soft and slightly sappy number that somehow morphed from locker-room joke to theme song for the Crusaders during the 2008-09 season.

"Other teams could never figure that out," Green said. "Conor loved that."

Bishop Eustace took the ice for the opening face-off with just four skaters. The Crusaders left one defensive position open in honor of O'Kane.

Gloucester Catholic won the face-off and retreated behind its own goal, and Bishop Eustace junior Nevin O'Kane, Conor's little brother, took the ice as the Crusaders' missing defenseman.

"Conor was a great kid," said Gaudreau, now Gloucester Catholic's coach. "He loved being with his teammates in the locker room. There wasn't a mean bone in his body."

Bishop Eustace senior Ricky Hunt called O'Kane "a great teammate" who loved to lighten the mood in the locker room.

"He was one of the funniest kids I've ever been around," Hunt said.

Dylan Lamorte, another Crusaders senior, remembered being a nervous freshman trying to fit into the high-powered program.

"Conor took me in, showed me the ropes," Lamorte said. "That's the kind of kid he was."

He was generous, warm, funny, unselfish, and athletic. His old coach was right. Team sports were built for Conor O'Kane.

But the games gave back, too. All those teammates and all those connections and all those memories remain a comfort to those left behind.