High school star deals with survivor's guilt from Liberian civil war

THERE ARE some questions that seniors in high school should never have to ask. Questions that are deep, philosophical and largely unanswerable.

Queries that can, if you let them, stunt your growth, stifle your ambition or paralyze your progression.

However, for Haverford School senior running back and linebacker Phil Poquie, a single question and all its permutations, weigh heavily on his mind, but also spur him toward success.

When civil war erupted in his native Liberia, Poquie was just 2 years old. His family fled to the United States, sent for by a grandfather who lived in Staten Island, N.Y., to begin life anew, rich with possibilities. But there were nagging questions, akin to survivor's guilt.

"It's kind of like you have to be responsible in a sense, because so many people died," Poquie said. "Why not me? Why did I get away? Why did I get to go to a prep school? Why am I advancing through life faster than others who suffered from the war? That's when it hit me that I can't [mess] up in life. It's almost like a weight, an invisible weight."

That's heavy stuff for a tale about a high school football player. But like Poquie, a story about him should probably also refuse to fit neatly into stereotypical preconceptions.

"I don't really want to put a tag on myself," he said. "Once you put yourself in a category, you can be marginalized. That's what I don't want at all. Being diverse, widespread and multi-talented, I don't want people to see me as this or that."

Sure, the 5-10, 180-pound Penn commit (lacrosse), has fleet feet, excellent balance and a chiseled physique. And, yes, on the football field so far this season he owns 511 rushing yards on 39 carries for 13.1 per attempt.

But, perhaps Poquie's passion for world events and his desire to return to, and improve, his native land is most impressive. All of that wrapped in a young man straddling two socioeconomic worlds, bouncing from his home in Southwest Philadelphia (67th Street and Elmwood Avenue) to life on the Main Line.

"What really stands out about Phil is his very penetrating thoughtfulness," said Haverford School teacher and counselor, Janet Heed. "Phil is a very deep thinker."

Foremost on his mind most days is Liberia. In fact, he said he has spent countless hours devouring any and all information about his homeland and how its war changed his world. He even has "LIB" scrawled across his lower-back pad under his football jersey.

"What sparked my interest in learning about the Liberian civil war?" he parroted. "Because, it changed the direction of my life. It changed the entire course of my life and what my life could have been.

"What if the civil war would not have happened? Would I have had the same experience that I've had here?"

His answer: "I probably could be dead, or could have been taken from my mother and made a child soldier, to be honest."

What followed was a 10- to 12-minute history lesson taught by Poquie about the ins and outs of Liberia's civil war.

"I've heard personal stories and I've done endless amounts of research," he said. "I know the history of Liberia like the back of my hand."

Particularly distressing to Poquie is the current Ebola outbreak. Yesterday, CNN reported that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimated cases in Liberia and Sierra Leone could rise to between 550,000 and 1.4 million by January without additional interventions or changes in community behavior.

With more of his native people suffering, Poquie sees his opportunities in the U.S. as "motivation to go back and hopefully change Liberia for the better."

He isn't sure in what capacity, but a family friend, Poquie said, operates an engineering company that builds homes in rural Liberia. As of now, that could be a start.

However, he isn't quite finished here.

The socioeconomic dance that began in sixth grade when he first attended Haverford School has a few more steps until graduation.

"I don't think that his circumstances are known by a lot of people," said Heed, who teaches Poquie and also guides the school's peer counseling group of which Poquie is a student leader. "I think he makes it look easy and seamless, but it really isn't."

Throughout his experience at the school, Poquie has been taken in by several "host" families.

Currently, he is staying with his lacrosse coach John Nostrant, a former Wings forward who is also the school's athletic director. Last year, he spent time with the family of Derek Mountain, now a senior linebacker. The McBride family - and others - have also opened their doors.

Meanwhile, at home in Southwest Philly, Poquie returns on weekends to, he says, a home without heat and with minimal water pressure. During his sophomore year, Poquie's mother returned to Liberia for a month or 2, he said.

The expectation was for him to stay with a Haverford family just as his brother Dad, now a receiver at Penn State, did with a school family while attending La Salle High.

"I just got filled up with so much anger that I didn't want to be around the Main Line so I just went home," Poquie said.

Gradually it seems, that anger subsided. Last year he told the Daily News, "Haverford's definitely the right school for me. It's taught me everything I know. Haverford's in my blood."

Now, Poquie describes himself as very social, going out with school friends to parties and other events. Heed also described him as a leader at the school as did head football coach Michael Murphy.

"I do flirt around with the Main Line," Poquie said. "When I do that, I forget about my reality. It's like a drug, to be honest. Takes me away from my reality. Then, when I do go back to Southwest, and go back to my house, in my little box, that perspective comes back. This is my situation. This is what it is for me, and the kids over there don't even know the half of it."

The electricity works but for bathing purposes water only trickles from the sink, he said.

"We collect it, warm it up, put it in the bucket and go traditional style, to be honest," he said.

He's fallen "deeply in love" with lacrosse, but where, if at all, does football fit into all of this?

"Kids who have those types of struggles and hardships play with a lot more passion and fire," he said. "And I'm at peace on the football field. I don't have to worry about my life's worry . . . I'm even more at peace on the lacrosse field."

As for his mother, Mary NyeaNyea, who sometimes worked two jobs to support her children:

"Her part was to bring me here, get me educated, feed me and send me to Haverford," Poquie said. "I told her I'd take care of the rest from there. She's done her part."