Gonzo: Can nice girls finish first?

The old-time TV cops had it all wrong. Hot lights don't get you anywhere. Interrogations are always better with booze. In vino veritas.

At the bar not long ago, over (more than) a few beers, a buddy kept insisting that he doesn't think about his ex or talk about her much - even though he was, right then, thinking about his former lady love and talking about her quite a bit. He doth protest (and protest and protest). It doth get annoying.

He was seeing someone new when the conversation went down. She treated him well. Didn't run around on him. Said and did all the right things. Sweet woman. Everything should have worked out. They should have been happy together. They weren't. He went back to the ex for a little while - a move that, to no one's surprise, didn't end well.

The point? It recently occurred to me that, as Philly fans, we're sort of like my buddy. The Eagles are our heartless harlot, the seductive vixen who teases us but ultimately breaks our heart. The Phils, meanwhile, are the good girl - the one who makes you happy and keeps you sane in between visits to the therapist (bar).

So why do we spend so much time talking about the Eagles when we have a great thing going with the Fightin's?

For years, there wasn't much of a debate to be had about which team was the object of our undying affection. It was the Birds - first, last, and always. But then the Phils got good - four NL East championships, two World Series visits, and a playoff no-hitter good. It's enough to make Yanks fans notice and cause lesser cities to lust after what we have.

And yet, when the conversation inevitably turns to which team we truly love, we expend a lot of energy saying the Phils are winners and matter most. We protest a lot, and sometimes it's just as transparent as listening to your friend swear off his ex.

Which brings us to Sunday evening and the present dilemma. The Eagles are out in San Francisco and the Fightin's are in Cincinnati. Both are scheduled to play about the same time. One team is a dysfunctional .500 unit playing a regular-season game against a winless opponent. The other club - in terms of record and other intangibles - is the best in its sport and will face the Reds in a playoff game.

It really shouldn't take much to determine which game gets our attention. Sure, some people will try to devote an equal amount of time to both, but that's a little like double booking - an unadvised dating strategy that always ends in disaster. So which contest will you watch tonight? And when the ratings are revealed and the two are compared, which team will have emerged as the clear favorite in Philly - the one that never fails to disappoint or the one that always exceeds our expectations?

After Sunday evening, we'll have a better idea of where our true allegiance lies.

Randy Moss to Minnesota. Marshawn Lynch to Seattle. Clinton Portis out, Ryan Torain in. Fred Jackson up, Justin Forsett down. It's a topsy-turvy Fantasy Football world. Keeping your balance just got tougher.

(Home team in CAPS)

Last week: 3-3

Season: 7-10-1

Packers -2.5 over REDSKINS: Donovan McNabb's victory tour/gloat parade comes to a quick and unceremonious end. You're probably all broken up about that.

TEXANS -3 over Giants: The Eli Manning pout face will be on full display by the second quarter.

Titans +7 over COWBOYS: They fry just about everything at the Texas State Fair in Dallas: Twinkies. Turkey legs. Snickers. Dallas is an evil but delicious place.

Bears -21/2 over PANTHERS: Steve Smith is banged up and Jimmy Clausen is the quarterback. Jay Cutler or no Jay Cutler, it's hard to keep up with a Mike Martz offense when that's the case.

Falcons -3 over BROWNS: Despite what you may have heard from unofficial propaganda minister Drew Carey, Cleveland most certainly does not rock.

49ERS -3 over Eagles: Cross-country trip. Nationally televised night game. New (old?) quarterback. An opponent that's still looking for a win. Andy Reid should call time-out and cancel the whole thing before they get on the plane.

FANTASY FOOTBALL FORECAST

QB: Joe Flacco,

Matt Ryan, Eli Manning

RB: Peyton Hillis, Ryan Torain, Ryan Mathews

WR: Austin Collie,

Hakeem Nicks,

Donald Driver

Flex (RB/WR/TE):

Fred Jackson,

Mark Clayton,

Marcedes Lewis

QB: Kevin Kolb, Donovan McNabb, Mark Sanchez

RB: Shonn Greene, Knowshon Moreno,

Mike Bell

WR: Jeremy Maclin, Santonio Holmes,

Percy Harvin

Flex (RB/WR/TE):

Cadillac Williams,

Eddie Royal, Todd Heap