Each week, our favorite penguin, Zoo with Roy, writes a guest column on philly.com. This week, ZWR took offense to the Daily News' back cover. So instead of a column, this letter arrived in our inbox this morning. Break out the tissues and Taylor Swift, because we're breaking up.

From: zoowithroy@gmail.com

To: Phillynewsdotcom@prodigy.net

Subject: We need to talk

I really wish I could be writing you under different circumstances, and apologize if my thoughts are jumbled--my head's a mess right now. But it's probably best (for both of us) to just get right to it and be honest. Actually, that's a funny word, because I thought you were being honest with me all along.

When I woke up this morning and started getting dressed for work, I figured I should check the weather. I wanted to wear that sweater your sister got me for Christmas, but wasn't sure if it was cold enough. Your phone was on the Pier One table, so I grabbed it.

Before I could even tell Siri to activate the Weather app, I saw on your lock screen that [NAME REDACTED] had texted you this picture:

I’m not even going to ask you to explain yourself. I’m so angry, so sad, so ... disappointed. I mean, if your feelings weren’t true couldn’t you have at least had the decency to tell me? Do you honestly think it’s better to lie to my face? I’m just... so...sick right now.

Do you know how dumb this makes me feel? And I can't believe I gave all of myself to you. I was totally committed. All of that free content. All of those engaged commenters "joining the conversation." All of the pageviews and unique impressions we made together. Was that not special enough? I believed everything you told me. Tickets to opening weekend, I'm the only one, blah blah blah. Well, I guess I'm a fool. It's all gone for now, and you ruined it.

Bottom line, we need a break. A real one. A clean one. I'm not running back to you if you send me flowers, retweet one of my funny quips, or tag me in one of your lame Facebook mea culpas. That does neither of us any good. We need time apart. And you need to figure out what's really important to you in this relationship, if there is going to be one. Starting today we should both be free to see other people, to whatever degree we choose. But hey, good news! You're free to go out with Ryan Lawrence now if you want (P.S. - I know you want to; I've checked your email, too.)

So much pain,

Z

p.s. And yes, you were right, Comcast WAS flirting with me that one time. Hopefully now you know how it feels.