Gonzo: Brown alone can't fix broken 76ers

It's over. Earlier this week, after 82 uninspired games, the 76ers stopped playing basketball. You're probably wondering how to tell the difference.

It was not a good run for the Sixers. They lost twice as many games as than they won, couldn't get the fans or media to care, fired coach Eddie Jordan and might still ax president and general manager Ed Stefanski. Toyota had a better year.

Rather than pumping the brakes or discontinuing the model, the Sixers will push forward in the vain pursuit of more wins and tickets sold. Which brings us, predictably, to Larry Brown.

The New York Post reported the nomadic Bobcats coach was given permission to return to Philly and "take control of the 76ers from top to bottom." Brown called it "old news," and Comcast-Spectacor chairman Ed Snider said the story was "absolutely false." Maybe. Maybe not.

During the news conference to announce Jordan's firing, Stefanski was asked whether he would continue to run the team and pick the next coach. "As I speak [Thursday], yes," Stefanski said. He added that he's received "nothing but commitment" from Ed Snider.

"As I speak" is an interesting way of putting it. And don't forget: Snider also endorsed former Flyers coach John Stevens shortly before sending him to the unemployment line. You never know who's telling the truth in sports. That's because pro teams tend to . . . what's the word I'm looking for? Oh, right: lie.

Here's what we do know: There are those who believe Brown is the perfect balm to heal the festering sore the Sixers have become. They see him as a savvy basketball man who will draft the right players and do his well-traveled coach-em-up thing. And while he rebuilds the franchise, Brown's proponents figure he'll sell tickets because he's largely liked in town. So we know all that, and we know one other thing: The Brown backers are wrong.

The Sixers are totally fractured. No one man can put the Humpty Dumpty of hoops franchises back together again - at least not any time soon. The notion that Brown will pack the stands and fix the organization by himself is utter folly.

The team has already tried almost everything possible to boost attendance. The Sixers held dollar dog nights and meet-and-greets with the dancers. Didn't register.

They promoted an iPad giveaway. Hardly anyone showed. They begged you to bring your kids out for Hip-Hop's birthday. You and your children passed.

They even re-signed Allen Iverson, one of the team's all-time great players, someone who - love him or hate him - always gets attention. That first game back was a big deal. The second game back was a big flop.

Unless the Sixers start a fan promotion allowing the winner to be the 12th man on the bench and see real game action, it's going to be a tough sell. And even that might not do it. Brown, by himself, won't be able to put people in the seats, either.

The best way to move more tickets, obviously, is to win more games. And the best way to do that is to get good players. (This is complicated, MIT-level stuff. Try to stay with me.) Since the Sixers haven't done so well in the free-agency-and-

money-management department (hello, Elton Brand), that means they need to draft someone and hope he develops into a marketable star with serious basketball ability. That's a hard thing to do, of course - a task potentially made more difficult by the fact that Brown has always been better at coaching the players than picking them.

Consider the draft choices during Brown's time in Philly from 1997 to 2003: The list includes Keith Van Horn (who was flipped for Tim Thomas), Larry Hughes (a guy Brown tried, unsuccessfully, to fashion into a point guard) and Samuel Dalembert (who haunts all of us to this day). Unless you think taking Todd MacCulloch in the second round was an unparalleled masterstroke, that's not such a hot history for LB.

Brown is a Hall of Famer, but he's also impatient. Even he would be hard-pressed to quickly salvage this junker from the NBA scrap yard. If he's not going to stick around long term - and make no mistake, it's going to take a while to rebuild the Sixers into a championship contender - what sense is there in hiring him?

Besides, it's tough to move forward by looking backward. Ocean's 12 was a disappointing flick full of failed jokes and bad plot twists, but there was one great scene in the movie that Snider and the handful of Sixers shot-callers ought to check out before the franchise decides whether to court Brown. The crew of con men was trying to figure out how to pull another job, and someone suggested they use the same plan that produced the big score in the first film. Don Cheadle's character, in a thick, disapproving Cockney accent, couldn't believe someone would suggest something so ridiculous. Then he delivered the only line worth remembering:

"You don't do the same gag twice," he scolded. "You do the next gag."