How a home renovation can make or break your relationship

Jena and Brandon Fisher know they have very different decision-making styles. It was important to keep that in mind when they renovated three full bathrooms in their Wynnewood home — all at the same time.

When making a decision, “I think about it, I look at my options, and then I decide and move on,” said Jena.

Conversely, Brandon’s style “is very deliberate,” he said. “I want to know every single option, I want to weigh them, and take time with my decisions.”

The home renovation project they started planning in late December 2024 involved taking each bathroom — one for Jena, one for Brandon, and one for their kids Audrey, 15, and Charlie, 11 — down to the studs. The bathrooms were out of commission for about 3½ months, with the work staggered slightly to ensure they always had a working toilet and shower.

Jena took the lead on her bathroom and, true to her personality, she made quick decisions. Brandon’s was more of a slog, with Jena pushing him for answers.

“My bathroom was in bad shape but it took 10 years of me saying we didn’t need to do it yet,” he recalled, until finally the plumbing started leaking and the grout was crumbling.

Recognizing their differing styles, the Fishers managed to complete their projects with minor stress, which happened mostly when she had to push him to meet deadlines. They are both thrilled with the finished bathrooms.

Half of couples who undertake home renovations find the process fulfilling, according to the 2025 U.S. Houzz Remodeling and Relationships Report.

But 4% said they considered separating or divorcing during renovations, Houzz reported. That share jumps to 12% for couples together five years or less, compared with 2% for couples in relationships of 30 years or more.

Common sources of conflict include staying on budget, deciding on products, materials, or finishes, and agreeing on the project’s scope or design, the study found.

To keep the process positive, set expectations before the project starts and keep communicating throughout, said Anna Nicholaides, owner of Philadelphia Couples Therapy in Center City. Understanding how your partner makes decisions and what causes each of you stress can help guide you.

“A renovation is a stressor and the list of things that can trigger people during a renovation is very long,” she said.

Perhaps you or your spouse is triggered by disruptions to your routine or having strangers coming in your home. And timelines may be exceeded, which can be difficult if your house is constantly filled with dust or if you need to extend the amount of time you must be out of your home.

Renovations can be riddled with anxieties, starting with budget concerns. Agree on a budget, and divide your project into affordable stages. For example, perhaps you can change the kitchen cabinets this year and wait until next year to replace the countertops.

If possible, divide responsibilities. For example, if you care deeply about the layout of the kitchen but your spouse is more concerned with the brand of appliances, divvy up those tasks.

“Maybe one person is highly focused on beauty and the other person is focused on how things work,” Nicholaides said.

As builders, Tim Ernst and Jake Taylor of Ernst Brothers have helped clients navigate many building and renovation projects. But when it came to their own venture, they got a taste of the challenges their customers face.

In 2014, the couple bought the old Moose Lodge in Doylestown, gutted it to the studs, and created two 4,500-square-foot condos, one above the other, each with three bedrooms and three bathrooms. Taylor and Ernst live in the top unit, featuring 10 ½-foot ceilings and 7-foot windows.

“There’s got to be division of labor,” said Taylor, managing partner for the Spring House-based building company. He took charge of the financial matters and deadlines while Ernst managed the construction.

The pair agreed on the budget, scope, and timeline, but as with most projects, there were unforeseen obstacles. Originally built in 1916, the building had water coming through the foundation. They also discovered grading issues, and that their neighbor’s deck was partially built on Taylor and Ernst’s property.

“When you’re building, you’re selecting different finishes and tile and plumbing fixtures, and deciding to put in heated floors or not,” said Taylor. “But our biggest challenges weren’t things that were nice to have. They were things you have to fix or you’ll have a major problem.”

No matter how complete your plan is, it’s difficult to understand all of the nuances on paper, added Ernst.

“You have to see it in real life at times,” said Ernst, who serves as the building company’s principal project manager. “It’s inevitable that you’re going to want to make changes.”

The added costs in both dollars and time to fix those unforeseen problems meant making sacrifices elsewhere. Though the couple wanted a heated bathroom floor, it was ultimately cut from the budget.

To help settle disagreements on design elements, Ernst and Taylor brought in John Levitties, principal at JAGR Projects in Glenside.

“Not only are you getting someone who is professionally trained, but they can also play referee between you and your spouse and offer a sounding board,” Taylor said.

Amy Cuker, owner of down 2 earth interior design in Elkins Park, who worked with the Fishers, often plays that role for clients.

“Design isn’t just about taste, it’s also about meeting functional outcomes, proportion, color theory, and other foundational areas of knowledge the design is based on,” Cuker said. “I will reference back to those things when I’m trying to convince a hesitant partner. Sometimes they want that third voice in the room.”

In her initial meeting with a couple, she will talk to them about function and aesthetics to understand their goals.

She has them create an inspiration album with pictures of rooms or pieces with the feel they want for their space.

“If she likes modern and he likes traditional, here are a few images that are comfortable enough for both of them,” Cuker said. “It gets us quickly to a place of understanding where the middle ground is.”

She finds the biggest challenges come with gaps in budget, neatness, and how much change each partner wants.

In the end, most couples learn more about themselves and their partners through the process, and most are happy with the finished product. That is certainly true for the Fishers.

“I resisted it up to the end and now I would probably live in my bathroom,” said Brandon.