DEAR ABBY: When I heard that my 83-year-old mother was on life support, I caught the first plane to California to be with her. I am the executor of her estate, and last year she had told me where I would find all the necessary papers I would need when the "time comes." Upon my arrival at the hospital, the doctor told my sister and me that Mama had a very slim chance of survival.
That night at Mama's house, I located the papers, figuring I'd need them after her impending death. I opened the box and found a handwritten letter on top. Written by Mama two months before, it was her last wishes for her funeral.
She had changed her mind and wanted no memorial at a church, only a graveside service. I felt it would be better to tell the family before she died than wait until we'd be more distraught.
Well, the doctor was wrong. Mama survived a heart-valve replacement and is doing well. My sister feels I was wrong to share that information while Mama was still alive. Should I have waited?
- Second-guessed in Ohio
DEAR SECOND-GUESSED: You did the right thing. Now everyone can discuss her wishes, and if any bones are to be picked, they can be picked with her.
DEAR ABBY: I just got out of college and have a part-time job in my field. The hours are horrible, and now my job got "upgraded," which means more responsibilities but no pay raise, and I have more tasks than I can handle that early in the morning.
- Too Tired in Parkville, Mo.