Philadelphia cream cheese introduces ‘Phillyboy,’ a new mascot that has nothing to do with Philly

Outside of the U.S., what is Philadelphia known for? What are our cultural exports that have become emblems of our city? What is the thing that other people declare in response to when you say, “I live in Philadelphia?” Cheesesteaks? The Liberty Bell? Rocky? Ben Franklin?

I’m really sorry to tell you this, but it’s often something that has nothing to do with Philly. It’s cream cheese. Philadelphia Cream Cheese is the most popular brand worldwide.

And now, the Kraft Heinz Co. has inflicted another redefinition of Philadelphia upon the world, borrowing from the city’s cultural capital. “Really Philly Good,” is the tagline of their latest campaign, a cluster of words I’m skeptical has ever been uttered within the Philadelphia city limits or by any actual Philadelphian.

The ad was created by NYC-based agency Johannes Leonardo, the same company that created the campaign for the hair dye, Velveeta Gold. It tells the origin story of an ultra literal cowboy, Phillyboy, who rides a dairy cow. “Phillyboy rides a Holstein, not a horse,” a singer croons. He saunters, on his cow, from rolling green hills into a city, over a truss bridge with cars behind it.

How did we get here? As Allison Steele previously reported in the Inquirer, “Philadelphia Cream Cheese was invented in New York in 1872, according to the Kraft Heinz Co., and got its name in 1880 as part of a marketing strategy to associate the product with the high-quality food and dairy farming for which the Philadelphia area was known at the time.”

Our most recognizable export is not from Philadelphia. In fact it barely has anything to do with us, except for the name.

“There are parts of the world where cream cheese is just called ‘Philadelphia’ like in India chocolate is called ‘Cadbury,’” said the Inquirer’s arts and entertainment editor Bedatri Choudhury.

Philadelphia Cream Cheese is about as Philadelphian as Hawaiian pizza is Hawaiian (created by a Canadian who first put canned pineapple on pizza with ham and thus invented the abomination).

So why are we calling this cream cheese cowboy “Phillyboy”? And why does the bridge in the ad appear to be nowhere near Philadelphia? “It looks like Maryland,” said two staffers. “It resembles the Trenton Makes bridge but without the lettering. And the shoreline doesn’t look right,” ventured another.

I asked my Philadelphia-born husband to help. “I have no idea but Philly Cream Cheese has always been a New York product, so maybe the bridge is in New York?” he speculated.

A reverse Google image search produced the result: the Puente Santa Lucía in Uruguay, a bridge about 2000 miles from Philadelphia.

And if Phillyboy were a real Philly cowboy, he would most certainly ride a horse. Has Kraft Heinz not seen Concrete Cowboy?

“Our new brand character, Phillyboy, brings people Philadelphia cream cheese just in time to improve whatever they’re making. He’s a physical embodiment of the brand — he’s a friendly, cool and confident dairy expert, and his arrival is a welcomed surprise. A metaphor for the welcome but unexpected surprise of just how good Philly is in just about everything,” said Lex Beltrone, executive creative director at Johannes Leonardo, in a statement.

I asked our programming editor and cheesesteak columnist Tommy Rowan how he felt about the ad and if he thinks outsiders will think Philadelphians ride around on cows. “I hope they do,” he said.

Kraft Heinz has long sown misconceptions about Philadelphia worldwide via cream cheese.

Long before I moved to Philadelphia (or even realized it was a city), I’d buy little cubes of Philadelphia brand salmon-flavored cream cheese, wrapped up like candy, from Taiwanese 7-Eleven stores.

When I did finally move to the city, I was puzzled to find that tiny cubes of salmon-flavored cream cheese did not dominate Philadelphia’s dining discourse. Second, traveling through Mexico, I’d occasionally get the craving for sushi.

I found out quickly that this meant I’d be eating mostly Philadelphia Cream Cheese, or “queso filadelfia.”

But before you get too upset about Phillyboy and Philadelphia Cream Cheese misrepresenting Philadelphia the city, remember that Kraft Heinz is same company behind Cheez Whiz, that long essential ingredient in the sandwich that best represents our city outside of it (no matter how much Philadelphians try to explain that the roast pork sandwich is more emblematic of how Philadelphians actually eat).

That still doesn’t excuse the bridge, though.