Caregivers have a tough job that needs to start with self-care. These tips can help.

Caregivers do everything from performing special medical needs to paying the bills, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and being a person’s closest confidante. They can range in age from little kids fetching books for an adored grandparent to loving spouses who long ago crossed into senior status themselves.

A caregiver’s job can last from hours to decades, and sometimes there’s just no way to know which it will be.

I have spoken to many people who provide care for parents, a sibling or a spouse, disabled family member or even close friends. And let’s not forget that many grandparents are taking care of grand and even great-grandchildren.

I am a caregiver. It did not happen all at once, but it seems as if it did. I have been a mother for 22 years, and even though that is the ultimate caregiver role, it never struck me as such. Then, one day, I looked up and realized that my mother, strong and vital for so long, was suddenly 95 and I was, indeed, her caregiver.

This is different from motherhood. It started differently and it continues to unfold as an experience that challenges me again and again. As a younger woman, I looked forward to becoming pregnant, preparing for the children, organizing their little worlds, and integrating them with my own. Organizing play dates, shopping for my children, planning holidays and events, and taking care of their pets, friends, and their entire lives — I loved all of it.

Well, maybe not the disciplinary duty, but all aspects of parenting challenged me to grow . Patience is the greatest lesson that I have learned as a parent.

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My mother was also a part of our household when I married and began to have children. She was my coach, role model and mentor.

But I never thought about our relationship flipping around.

There are days when I feel utterly helpless and useless, giving my all, yet it never seems enough. Caring for my mum is not unpleasant and is often rewarding, but it can be tiring — and sad.

Eventually, I realized something on a deeply personal level and I’d been advising clients for years: Caring for others requires that you first take care of yourself. Otherwise, physical and mental exhaustion can so easily lead to guilt, anger, confusion, resentment and worse.

Here are a few of the many tools I use to help reduce stress, alleviate burnout, and help keep my relationship with the mum, my family — and myself— as strong as I can.

Start with setting a daily goal that is attainable, such as deep breathing. Find a quiet place and sit down. Close your eyes. Relax your jaw by unclenching your teeth, release tension from your forehead and scalp by relaxing your eyebrows, lower your shoulders, and allow your arms to dangle down by your sides.

Breathe in through your nose and scan your body starting with your feet and working up to find and tight spots. Breathe in deeply and out slowly, imagining your body releasing any stress with your exhalation. Think of something you are grateful for, or imagine a beautiful place, and take four to eight deep breaths. Open your eyes and think of your next best step for the day.

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Begin once daily and build up to three times a day or more if you need. Set a periodic alarm on your phone to remind you. And if you think you don’t have time, remember that the person you’re caring for benefits, too, from your calmer energy.

Plan the best time to go to bed and get up, and stick to that schedule as much as you can. If you find it hard to go to sleep, a soothing hot bath (my favorite), essential oils or calming teas coupled with prayer and meditation can help you to relax. Give yourself time in the morning to enjoy a warm drink and maybe sit outside.

Later in the day, do your best to get a 10- to 20-minute walk. If you simply cannot leave the house, try walking up and down the stairs or using a treadmill, or just dancing to your favorite music. But being in the fresh air, listening to the birds, smelling the flowers, feeling the sun on your face, seeing other people will rejuvenate you as nothing else can. If the person you’re caring for cannot be left alone, seek out help from others so you can get that short escape. It’s essential to reduce depression and avoid social withdrawal.

Your own nutrition is fundamental to providing the best care possible. Living on snacks and coffee or going without food cannot work. Proper nourishment will maintain energy levels, avoid illness, and help you to sustain the cognitive clarity you need.

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Plan to drink 24 to 48 ounces of water during the day, and work up to an optimal 64. Your body — and your skin — will thank you. Eat adequately throughout the day and include vegetables, protein, fruit and whole foods. Try sitting at a table while eating, paying attention to each bite.

Most of the caregivers I know are strong, self-sufficient and responsible, and some even often believe that they can do it all. If that sounds like you, please remember there comes a time to put pride to the side and admit that you need help. Sometimes, your non-caregiver friends and family may seem judgmental because they just cannot understand fully what you’re going through.

Caregiver support groups can help you to feel connected with other people who share similar experiences. They are also a safe space to ask for advice, find out about useful resources or vent frustrations.

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Look online or contacting your local hospital to find groups, many of which meet virtually.

Or call a close friend or family member if you do not feel comfortable confiding in strangers. You decide what is best for you. But please do reach out. You are not alone.