Was it weird to ask a man for ride or was it weird for his wife to treat us like a nuisance?
Who is at fault: the asker, the husband, or the wife?
I invited two Inquirer journalists to discuss the submitted question, which ended with some strong judgments.
Have a question of your own? Or an opinion? Email me.
Evan Weiss, Deputy Features Editor
This week’s question is a question and a story...
A friend and I were waiting for regional rail for Center City when the announcement came that the train was canceled. It being freezing weather, I asked other passengers what their transit apps were saying, and what their plans were. A man said he was planning to drive to Center City, and his car was parked in the lot. Before I could stop myself, I asked for a ride. His wife did not like the idea, giving a wide-eyed look, but the man agreed after hesitating.
The husband was very nice, as was the car, but the wife was irritated the whole way into the city — she never said hi or introduced herself and when we tried to include her in the conversation, she sat silent.
Was it weird for me to ask for a ride or was it weird for her to treat us like a nuisance?
Beatrice Forman, Food and Dining Reporter
I am having a lot of thoughts and most of them feel unkind so I’m going to let Stephanie take the lead on this one.
Stephanie Farr, Features Columnist
I think it’s highly unusual to ask for a ride from a stranger. From a young age we’re told not to get into cars with strangers or, once we get old enough, not to give strangers a ride. That being said, we all take Uber these days so the rules have changed a bit.
I think asking for a ride may have put the man in an awkward situation where he felt obligated to help you, but I think the bigger issue is you saw he had his wife with him and you did not ask her if it was OK too. You shouldn’t have just assumed the husband speaks for both of them. I would have been a bit offended too if I was her.
Beatrice Forman
Oh, you’re so much nicer than me.
Outside of the absolute stranger danger of it all (whose to say that man and his wife aren’t Bonnie and Clyde 2.0?), I think it’s absolutely bonkers to assume a stranger would give not just you, but a friend — double the imposition — a free ride when, as you pointed out, Ubers exist. The wife was probably stunned into silence by the gall of it all.
I’m all for the generosity of the human spirit and know that a village requires being a good villager, but a good villager knows when to read the room!
Stephanie Farr
Agreed, so our letter writer is the weirdo and the wife was totally in her right to treat them like a nuisance.
Beatrice Forman
Weirdo is such a strong word but yeah, total weirdo.
Stephanie Farr
They asked if it was weird!
A weirdo move, let’s say.
Beatrice Forman
My 2026 resolution was to be less of a hater and I do fear this question has set me back.
I do wonder what motivated the husband to say yes in this situation even though his wife seemed uncomfortable. Do either of you have any ideas?
Stephanie Farr
Some people have a hard time saying no, especially when they’re put on the spot in a moment of stress and see someone else in need.
Evan Weiss
In an ideal world, giving rides to people who need them sounds wonderful. It’s fair to say that safety is likely not something that presses on the husband’s mind as much as the wife’s. He may have just been trying to be kind without being empathetic.
Beatrice Forman
That’s fair! He seems like a nice guy and very generous. I guess he deserves, like, 10 “good person” points for the gesture. He does lose two though for not considering his wife in the moment.
Evan Weiss
More than 2!
Beatrice Forman
How many points are you docking, Evan?
Evan Weiss
I honestly can’t imagine not considering how my wife would feel in the moment. Or, worse, knowing how she felt and going through with it anyway (which is how it sounds like it went down). Minus 8?
It’s a good deed, but you’re not the only person doing it.
In this scenario, I actually think it’s the husband who’s most at fault.
Beatrice Forman
Ooooof you run a tight program, Evan.
Stephanie Farr
Nobody thought about the wife in this situation and that may be what ticks me off most of all.
Everybody is at fault but the wife.
Beatrice Forman
Mayhaps this man is the true weirdo, not our question asker.
I really do feel for the wife, and I don’t like that she comes off as rude and entitled in the scenario when in reality, everyone else was entitled. I also don’t think the couple owed the question asker more than the hospitality of the ride itself, if that makes sense? The wife didn’t say yes to this, so why is she required to make polite chit chat?
Stephanie Farr
Agreed — but I don’t think the couple owed the question asker anything, not even the hospitality itself.
One thing is for sure, this person and their friend better have offered the couple a few bucks at the very least for the ride.
Evan Weiss
The core of the question is an interesting one: When, if ever, is it okay to ask for a ride?
Stephanie Farr
When you know the person. Dead stop.
But even then there are rules.
Beatrice Forman
Only in an absolute and total emergency situation, like the apocalypse.
Stephanie Farr
Or right after an Eagles Super Bowl win in Center City, when if you don’t get out, you’re gonna stay in till the next morning.
Beatrice Forman
That constitutes an apocalypse-adjacent situation. We do sometimes light things on fire when we’re happy here.
Stephanie Farr
Very true. It’s part of our charm.
Evan Weiss
Any last words?
Beatrice Forman
Always, always think about your partner.
Stephanie Farr
And if someone has a partner, consider them a team when you ask something.
Also, don’t ask for rides from strangers. In Philly, if someone wants to give you a ride out of the kindness of their heart they’ll ask if you want one with an annoyed sigh.