Building and cherishing a large family

Pat Kelly’s girlfriends had practically dragged her from her parents’ Burholme twin to a Cardinal Dougherty High School Class of 1961 graduation party. She didn’t know the classmate they were celebrating. She didn’t know any of the guys her girlfriends mingled with — boys and girls were on separate sides of the building. Pat sat on the floor nursing a beer, holding a cigarette, and bobbing her head to to the music, trying to look comfortable and cool.

“Is this seat taken?” said a voice from standing height. Pat raised her head and saw Joe Farley motioning to the empty space next to her on the floor.

“That made me laugh!” remembers Pat, who is now 79. “One of the things I love about Joe Farley is that he makes me laugh.”

“That’s because I’m funny lookin,’” says Joe, also 79.

“You’re very handsome,” Pat says emphatically before continuing her story.

Their conversation led to the discovery that they went to the same church — she lived on the Philadelphia side of Presentation BVM Parish, and he lived on the Cheltenham side.

“I was in our church’s variety show and to show off, I began singing one of the songs I was going to perform, “Have You Ever Been Lonely,” said Joe. “That song was old then and ancient now. To my surprise, she joined right in!”

Pat had learned that song and other oldies from her father and grandfather. She and Joe sang “My Ideal” that night, too — a song with lyrics that summed up Joe’s feelings about this girl with pretty brown hair, blue eyes, Irish freckles, and a dimple. “It was as though I loved her before I met her.”

Pat’s friends were happy to drive Joe home. “She had to sit on my lap because it was so crowded,” he said. Neither minded. A double date to the movies was planned for the next night and neither Joe nor Pat ever dated anyone else again.

Joe, like his father and uncles before him, has almost always been a plumber. In 1974, he started Joseph P. Farley Plumbing and Heating. But in the early 1960s, he was a plumbing apprentice who made $1.10 an hour. Pat made much more working as an information operator at Bell Telephone Co.

Joe regularly asked her to marry him. She always said yes, but not yet. When she was in a joking mood, she’d say, “You can’t afford me!” But her real reason was that she wanted them to know each other longer. “In the future, we will have known each other longer than the years we have been on the Earth right now,” Joe would say, earnestly.

A year and a half after they met, a surprise sped up their timeline: A baby was on the way.

This was exciting, if scary, news for Pat and Joe, but back then, it was not easy news to share.

Joe was irate when some family members suggested Pat shouldn’t wear white. “Why the hell wouldn’t she?” he demanded. Their priest skipped the announcement in church and waived the Pre-Cana class requirement. “Those probably would have helped us along the way somewhere,” said Pat.

Two weeks later, she walked down the aisle in a tea-length white dress and veil. A luncheon for 25 was held at Pat’s parents’ home. The couple decided to honeymoon in Atlantic City for the weekend. On the way, they drove the ‘57 Ford Joe’s brother had given them to Joe’s parents’ place to pick up some clothes, which was when they discovered a second gathering of about 50 people — this one with alcohol.

The newlyweds had little money and no insurance. The hospital wouldn’t let Joe take Pat and their newborn, Kellianne, home until he came back with the title to the old Ford as collateral. For appearance’s sake, Pat’s mother didn’t tell her family in Ireland that the baby was born until nine months after the wedding. “Kelli was getting birthday cards in June instead of February,” Joe said.

Pat stayed home with that baby and those that followed: Joseph Jr., Jennifer, Shiela, and Andrew. Between Joe Jr. and Jennifer, Pat was expecting another child. The miscarriage remains one of the most difficult things the couple has ever faced. “I call that baby ‘Pat,’ because we didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl,” she said.

Joe had left plumbing for half a decade when his brother told him about a pipe-fitting job at the Budd Co. “We had insurance then and my first check had $180 in take-home pay,” he said. “I thought I was walking on a cloud.” The couple purchased their first home near Academy Road.

It was a layoff from Budd that led Joe to return to his plumbing roots and eventually start his own business.

By then, the children were older and Pat began working for the company, too. Technically, she was the company bookkeeper and appointment scheduler. But she had learned a thing or two about plumbing and liked sharing her knowledge with the customers.

“I would tell people how to reset their garbage disposals, for example,” she said. This saved a service call, and in the long run, was a boon for business, Joe said. “People loved that she did that, and they spread the word.”

In 1974, Joe’s aunt and uncle told him about a big old house for sale in Cheltenham, and the couple jumped at the chance to own the stone home with 32 windows.

When Pat’s mother needed more help, Joe built a fifth bedroom and bath downstairs. When anyone in the family needed a place to stay, this is where they came. “At one time, we had 12 people living here,” Pat said.

The table got crowded even on the average Sunday, when everyone had dinner together after church. Things get really crazy at Farley family bashes: Christmas, Easter, graduation parties, and July Fourth, when everyone watches the parade from the porch or front lawn.

Between the couple’s children and 11 grandchildren, someone is always around when Pat and Joe need a hand or a hug. Their greatest joy is seeing how much the next two generations also love one another. “That’s the greatest gift you can get,” Joe said. “It’s the thing that makes me proudest about our family.”

Joseph Jr. makes the plumbing calls now, but his parents have not fully retired. Joe Sr. answers the phones and does the scheduling. Pat still crunches the numbers.

Joe enjoys reading from his vast collection of books and playing the piano — the children paid for the lessons he’d always wanted.

Pat used to take the train to Philadelphia to hear an author speak at the library or meet her daughter for lunch and a movie at the Ritz. These days, she reads on her Kindle — 222 books in the last three years — and watches Hallmark movies at home. She still loves to take trips with Joe and go camping — in a nice cabin — with the family. But some days, Pat has pain that makes it hard to take the stairs. Those are the days that Joe takes extra steps.

“We said for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and he lives that. Now that I don’t get around as much as I used to, he brings me breakfast on a tray, and some days, dinner, too.” And he still makes her laugh, Pat said. “I feel cherished by this man.”

Joe appreciates Pat’s congeniality and kindness, and the way she supports him without judging. “When I grew up, us kids couldn’t fathom how our parents had nine kids, because all they ever did was fight,” he said. “This is what true love really is: Living with somebody without any dread. I know she will always be on my side and will always back me up.”

Next month, the couple will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.