Love, respect, and support have been keys to their marriage

John left the gathering of teens with a head full of dreams and a burning question for Gaylord, the friend who had invited him: “Is she seeing anybody?”

She – Patricia – was the best friend of Gaylord’s girlfriend’s little sister, Rovena. And John had spent much of that 1960 evening talking to her.

John, then 18, found her beautiful, but it was more than that. “Sometimes there is an uneasiness when you meet someone for the first time, but our conversation just flowed,” he said.

His friend got him Patricia’s number.

Rovena told Patricia that John had asked about her. When he called, Patricia, then 16, was happy to talk to him, but politely declined a date. They saw each other within their friend group a few more times, then John called again with the same result.

He really liked Patricia, but he also respected her and himself. If she wasn’t interested, he had to move on – after one last phone conversation. “If you’re not interested, I’m not going to ask anymore,” he told her.

Patricia had never been interested in dating for dating’s sake. But by the end of that third call, she was interested in John. “I liked the way he talked to me – he was always so respectful,” she said. “I felt that he was mature, and I was glad to meet somebody who I thought I could have a future with.”

First was a movie at the Rex, then came walks around their North Philadelphia neighborhood, often ending at Pflaumer’s Ice Cream.

Her feelings and his grew quickly, in tandem.

John, who is now 80, is pastor of Ebenezer Baptist Church at 10th and Dauphin Streets. Patricia, now 78, retired in 2012 as director of Northwest Victims Services, a nonprofit that assists victims of crime.

When they met, John, a graduate of Simon Gratz High School, had already begun his first career – 38 years at Scatton Manufacturing Co., where he became a department foreman. Patricia was a sophomore at William Penn High School for Girls.

“We talked about our pasts and we talked about our future,” Patricia said. “We talked about what marriage would look like for us – what we would do to make each other happy. What we wouldn’t do to make each other miserable or sad. We came up with some formulas.”

“We always felt that communication would be the key,” said John. Even during arguments, there would be respect – no name-calling, no profanity.

They agreed to never embarrass each other in public and that no pots, pans, or toasters would be given for birthdays or anniversaries.

“We really got to talking about how we were going to do this [marriage] thing, because I didn’t have a marriage role model,” said Patricia, who was raised by her godmother and her godmother’s mother. “I didn’t either,” said John, who was raised by his mother. He was 10 when his father was killed.

On Christmas of her junior year, John knelt in front of Patricia and held out an engagement ring. “Would you be my wife?” he asked.

“Yes,” said Patricia.

“Thank God for that,” said John.

On July 7, 1963, just after Patricia’s high school graduation, the couple were married in the living room of her mother’s 29th Street home by the Rev. Sercy Jones of Haven United Methodist. Sixty guests attended, and most brought a dish to share afterward.

“We were the first of our friends to get married, and everyone would love to come over to our apartment [on Diamond Street],” Patricia remembered. “We would go out dancing – we love to dance with each other.” She introduced John to modern dance, and he introduced her to football.

Their three children, John Jr., Eric, and Melany, are now in their 50s. “I love that he has been a true family man,” Patricia said of John. “His family always comes first, starting with me and then our kids. He’s an excellent provider and he’s a saver – he could have been a financial planner he is so good with money. He always treated me with kindness and respect and set a good example for our children.”

When their kids were young, Patricia would pack a lunch and John would drive everyone to the beach in Atlantic City. Sundays always meant church, but also doughnuts and a drive, or a drive-in movie. The children later played sports and John coached Little League baseball and football for most of two decades. They lived for more than 30 years in West Oak Lane before moving to Willow Grove in 2000.

Volunteer work has always been important to the couple, who have donated their time to food banks, the UNCF, and other nonprofits, and continue to serve on several hospital committees.

When Patricia wanted to attend college, John said they would find a way. She took night or weekend classes at Philadelphia Community College and Temple University, when John could be with the kids. She holds a psychology degree from Temple and later earned a master’s in human services from Lincoln University. Patricia worked as a supervisor for School District of Philadelphia Community Schools and director of a Philadelphia Futures mentoring program before joining Northwest Victims Services.

Growing up, John spent summers with his grandmother in Willow Grove and attended her church, First Baptist Church of Crestmont. The family also attended First Baptist, where he served as Boy Scout leader, youth leader, chorus member, usher, and a deacon for three decades.

“Without a doubt, I spent my formative years in the church, but as far as the ministry is concerned, I was a late bloomer,” John said. “I was in my late 50s when I was called to the ministry.”

It was Patricia’s turn to support John while he went to school.

In 1998, he studied at Suburban Bible Institute and earned his certificate. He later earned a bachelor’s, master’s and doctorate of theology from Slidell Baptist Seminary. In 2002, he was ordained at McKinley Memorial Baptist Church, also in Willow Grove, and became associate minister. John has been pastor of Ebenezer Baptist Church for more than 18 years.

For more than 20 years, Patricia and John’s Christmas gift to their children – and now seven grandchildren – has been a family beach vacation. But the tradition has been on hold. First came COVID-19, and then this past June, John started experiencing shortness of breath.

He was diagnosed with amyloidosis, a rare condition in which the protein amyloid builds up in the body. In John’s case, it was in his heart. He’s since had five hospital stays and four procedures and the disease is controlled with medicine.

John counts his blessings – his version of the disease isn’t hereditary, so his family is not at risk. His children and other family and friends have offered help, support, and prayers. John Jr., a barber, took the train from Middletown to trim his hair and beard. Melany visited him in the hospital daily, and Eric took vacation time to spend the day with his father when Patricia could not.

And then there’s Patricia. He may have called her “the warden” a few times, but John is grateful for her love and care. “Over the period of years that we’ve been together it’s been born out that truly it wasn’t my choice – it was God’s choice. He chose her for me. I couldn’t have made it without her.”

As John’s recovery progresses, he has resumed more pastoral duties. “We’re trending up. And we thank God for that,” he said.

He and Patricia can’t wait to return to the beach with their family. And this coming July, they will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.