Happy to enjoy life and each other

Feb. 22, 2022, in Philadelphia and Feb. 18, 2023, in Flourtown

They met on a dating app in December 2019. Stephanie liked Kathryn’s laid-back disposition and their shared love of dogs. Kathryn liked Stephanie’s directness and confidence. After a week, they decided to meet in person, but to keep the stakes low.

“We were both kind of like, ‘Let’s be friends and see what happens,’ ” Stephanie remembers.

Their connection was evident during their first date at Wayne’s White Dog Cafe and they planned to see each other again in a few weeks, after Stephanie returned from spending the holidays with family. But soon after their date ended, Stephanie knew she could not wait that long to see Kathryn.

“It felt special that she reached out to see me again before she left for Massachusetts,” said Kathryn. By the end of date two, both were certain they would be more than friends.

Kathryn, 41, is a psychotherapist at Therapy for Women Center. “I was really drawn to how compassionate she is, especially about her clients,” Stephanie said. “I thought if she can care so much about the people she works with, she has the capacity to love a significant other. I liked her heart and her spirit. And she is cute.”

Stephanie, 35, is a program manager for a health-care startup and also coaches lacrosse at Germantown Friends School. “She had ordered this couch, but kept getting the wrong couch, and then the shipment was delayed, and it had taken almost a year to get it sorted out, so she had a couch warming party,” Kathryn said, clearly amused. “That’s where I met her friends for the first time. I thought she was very cute and funny, and very sweet and genuine. She’s just very kind and a people person.”

After the pandemic hit, both largely worked remotely, and often from the same location – either Stephanie’s place in Roxborough or Kathryn’s in Berwyn. “It was a scary time, but also a sweet time for us,” Stephanie said. “In retrospect, it was the first time we would have to conquer something so big, scary and beyond ourselves, and the first time we learned that being together made everything easier.”

On Valentine’s Day 2021 Stephanie came home with a big box. “I had gotten my second vaccine shot the day before and was sleeping all day,” Kathryn remembered. “She said she had a surprise downstairs.” Kathryn, who tried to look as nice as possible while still in comfy sweatpants, found a very fancy scene in Stephanie’s dining room. “She had candles, and rose petals, and a menu of food from Amada in Philly.” The restaurant had packed the makings of a dozen tapas in a kit with detailed instructions. “She kept going back into the kitchen and bringing things out,” said Kathryn. “It was really sweet and lovely.”

After they ate, Stephanie gave Kathryn a Martha Stewart wedding planning book. “In it, I wrote a long note – our love story up until then,” she remembered. After Kathryn read those words, Stephanie said a few more: “Will you marry me?”

The following month, the couple bought their Mount Airy home, and Kathryn and Buster, a shih-tzu-poodle, and Stephanie and Banjo, a golden retriever-chow, moved in.

Planning for a June 2022 wedding commenced.

In early 2022, Kathryn felt unusually fatigued. Bruises began to appear. “I thought I had some sort of virus. I went to my primary care doctor and I got blood work done.”

The next morning, the couple woke to multiple urgent voice mails and texts on their cell phones. “My doctor told me to go to the hospital right away – my hemoglobin was extremely low.”

A few days before the anniversary of their engagement, doctors at Penn Medicine diagnosed Kathryn with acute myeloid leukemia, or AML. Over the next five weeks, she had a bone marrow biopsy, several rounds of chemotherapy, and a wedding.

“So much was uncertain that we wanted at least the legality of our relationship to be certain for both of us,” Stephanie said. When the insurance company asked Kathryn how they were related, or when the person doing the COVID-19 screening asked Stephanie about the person she was visiting, each wanted to give a simple answer: She’s my wife.

A friend, Jess, came from California to support the couple with homemade food and the legwork required to get a marriage license. The nurses decorated Kathryn’s hospital room with hearts. Stephanie purchased a cake. Their friend Brock became ordained online. On 2/22/22 – a Tuesday – Brock selected a faux church Zoom background and officiated their first, tiny wedding from Pittsburgh.

Kathryn was discharged in mid-March, but had to return to the hospital for one week each month to receive additional chemo treatments. That summer, as everyone else seemed to be emerging from pandemic isolation, the couple hunkered down more than ever to protect Kathryn, whose immune system was weakened. “One of the most difficult parts is that after she recovered [from a treatment] she would be so well, and we knew that with the next treatment she would feel unwell again,” said Stephanie. “It messed with our minds a lot, are you better or are you sick?”

Stephanie learned to give her wife daily injections. “You didn’t sign up for this,” Kathryn kept saying. Stephanie always corrected her. “No, I actually did. I legally signed up for this.”

“I feel very loved and supported by her,” said Kathryn. “We had to find joy while having a really hard year, and during those hard times, we found great comfort in each other, and happiness, which was what I needed.”

Stephanie said Kathryn supported her, too. “She always grounds me and is there for me emotionally in beautiful ways. During that hard year, she couldn’t always help with things like walking the dogs, but I’m good at handling practical, tactical things. She was there for me emotionally when it was too much for me to handle on my own. She doesn’t even realize how much she was there for me.”

That summer, Kathryn changed her last name from Nulf to Hilton. That fall, she had her last chemo treatment. The blood work she has had every three months since has confirmed her remission.

As lovely as their hospital wedding was, it wasn’t enough. “It was just the two of us, sitting on a couch in my room,” said Kathryn. “It was a legally binding marriage, as they say on Married at First Sight, but I was hooked up to machines with an IV in my arm.”

So on Feb. 18, 2023, the couple and 70 friends and family members gathered for another ceremony, once again led by Brock, and a reception at Flourtown Country Club. The couple walked each other down the aisle. Despite the time of year, their florist created bouquets and arrangements from the hydrangeas the couple had wanted.

“I can’t fully articulate the difference between the legal agreement where we both signed our name on a paper and standing before our friends and family, saying out loud that we want to be with his person,” said Stephanie. “It carries a psychological weight.”

This was a dancing reception. “I got to hang out with my nephews, including my nephew who was 8 months old, and had these little baby headphones [to protect his ears],” said Kathryn. “We had a lot to celebrate. And I felt very loved.”

The couple spent 10 days in Riviera Maya, mostly lounging together while staring at either the pool or the ocean, but also swimming in a lagoon and a cave.

Stephanie and Kathryn enjoy living life. Kathryn said, “We spent so much of our relationship going through difficult times that we just want to have some good ones.”