The man, the myth, the bar crawl: Jenkintown goes all out for Nicholas Cage-themed night

In an unbearably massive oversight, the city of Philadelphia has left National Treasure Nicolas Cage completely out of its Semiquincentennial festivities, despite the fact that he’s the only known person to have stolen the Declaration of Independence and climbed Independence Hall free solo in the last 250 years.

But fear not, for a group of suburban bars have mustered to pay homage to this chameleon king of cinema, this skin-shedding Snake Eyes of the silver screen with their revolutionary event: “Uncaged in Jenkintown: A Nic Cage cocktail crawl.”

Nic nugget: Cage has portrayed twice as many people as there were members of the First Continental Congress.

From 4 to 8 p.m. June 28, four Jenkintown bars within stumbling distance of each other — the Keep Easy, the Drake Tavern, Buckets Bar, and Kings Corner — will be featuring Cage-themed cocktails, showing Cage movies, and hosting “Cage matches.”

Songs from Cage’s films will be performed live in an alley, the local movie theater is hosting a late-night screening of a Cage film, and, for the Wild at Heart, even a tattoo parlor is getting in on the festivities.

Nic nugget: Cage has a tattoo of a lizard wearing a top hat.

In an Adaptation of a typical bar crawl, participants who register for this event will receive a pretty Kick Ass “Uncaged Cocktail Crawl Kit” filled with goodies that would be a Dream Scenario for any Cage fan.

Mel Hager — an owner of the Keep Easy who described her Cage fandom as “AhaHAhahAA [maniacal Cage laughter] OUTRAGEOUS OOooOO!!” — said the participating bars host a Festivus-themed crawl during the holidays and they wanted to create a summer-themed crawl too (luckily, there’s no chance of getting Snowden at this time of year).

“Who doesn’t like Nic Cage?” she said. “It’s insane how he puts in the work. Every time I turn around I’m like ‘Is he a robot? How does he do so many movies?’ He’s an enigma but yet he does seem like all of us but also maybe he’s an alien? I don’t know, but it’s fantastic.”

Nic nugget: Cage has never played an alien, but he was convinced he was one as a kid.

The event is free to attend, but participants who want to compete for Cage-themed prizes will need to either preregister online for $15 or register in person the day of at the same price to receive their Uncaged kit. Each kit contains one of five random Cage masks to be worn during face-offs against opponents in “Cage matches.”

Every bar will have its own Cage match competition that will pit two players in a tête-à-tête game based on a different Cage movie to determine who’s the Lord of War. The game at Buckets, for example, is called the “Flying Elvis” and it’s based on the scene in Honeymoon in Vegas where Cage goes skydiving with a group of Elvis impersonators. Contestants will have to throw toy parachute soldiers (hand-painted to look like Elvis) to see who can land them closest to a tiny mock-up of the Vegas strip.

The games are designed to move quickly, with each Gone in 60 Seconds or so.

Nic nugget: When Cage is gone he will be buried in a 9-foot-tall white stone pyramid he had built in a New Orleans cemetery.

For every challenge won, participants will get a stamp in their Cage pub passport, which is included with the kit. At 7:30 p.m., an awards ceremony will be held and those with the most stamps will receive Cage-themed prizes. Hey, It Could Happen to You.

Cage crawlers are also urged to get stamps in their passport for every Cage-themed beverage they consume. The Keep Easy will be serving “Mandy’s Electric Lemonade,” a reference to the surreal horror film, Mandy, that’s made with blue Curaçao, a libation just as colorful as Cage’s career.

“We’re trying to bring out his spirit in our spirits,” Hager said.

Also included in the kit is a photo scavenger hunt with challenges at every establishment, like snapping a picture with Picolas Cage, a life-size cut-out of Cage as a pickle (he’s kind of a big dill).

“We had Picolas Cage already because we had a pickle crawl one year and I love Nic Cage…so he’s making a comeback,” Hager said, gherkin out.

Those who preregister will also receive a piece of Cage cash, a very not legal form of tender with Cage’s face on it that will get you a specialty shot at one of the four participating bars, if you want to cash it in.

Nic nugget: Cage once spent $276,000 on a dinosaur skull he later had to turn over to the Mongolian government.

During the crawl, local musician Gerard Regan will Rage in nearby Yorkway Alley, playing songs from Cage movies. Prior to the festivities, Nobleheart Tattoo Gallery will have a special on Cage-themed tats from 1 to 4 p.m. And following the crawl at 9:30 p.m., the Hiway Theater will show Cage’s 1988 film, Vampire’s Kiss, if you have Time to Kill.

Costumes are encouraged and given that Cage has portrayed every kind of character from an angel to a vampire, the possibilities are endless. So get Primal with it, because you don’t want to be Left Behind.

“It’s like the whole town is getting involved,” Hager said. “Like Nic Cage would, just come on out and have fun. You deserve it.”

For more information on Uncaged in Jenkintown, visit the event’s Facebook page. To preregister for the crawl visit: uncagedinjenkintown.bigcartel.com.