How to have the perfect Philly day, according to the Phillie Phanatic

At 47, the Phillie Phanatic is still Philadelphia’s most beloved troublemaker.

A Philly resident since he arrived from the Galápagos Islands in 1978, this giant, green, flightless bird spends his working hours delighting Phillies fans as the team’s official mascot. He works so much, he hardly ever leaves the office, aka Citizens Bank Park, where he spends game days zipping through the stands on his red ATV, shooting hot dogs into the crowd, and torturing Mets fans.

But when the Phanatic gets a rare day to himself, his version of a perfect Philadelphia day has less to do with pranks and more to do with simple pleasures: a scrapple sandwich at sunrise, a visit to the library, and a quiet walk through the woods.

Here’s how the Phillie Phanatic spends his perfect day, according to his best friend, chauffeur, and personal chef, Tom Burgoyne.

The Phanatic wakes up early and hungry, especially after a home game the night before. The first thing he likes to do is hop on his signature red ATV and take a joyride through an empty Citizens Bank Park. “He loves just driving alone around the concourses, up the ramps,” Burgoyne said.

Sometimes he has breakfast right in Section 320. It’s in the upper deck right behind home plate. It’s the best view of the city. An empty ballpark is so peaceful. He eats the same thing every day: a scrapple and egg sandwich with Cheez Whiz on a toasted seeded roll.

After another lap around the empty ballpark, the Phanatic likes to catch up on his reading. He runs a citywide reading program that serves more than 100,000 children from pre-K to eighth grade, encouraging them to read or be read to for at least 15 minutes each day. He visits about 20 schools a year, but on quieter mornings he heads to the Free Library on the Parkway.

“He loves hanging out, seeing when kids come in and check out the books they’re reading,” Burgoyne said. He’ll kick back with a book of his own too. It’s usually Phillies-related.

After the library, he heads to the Philadelphia Zoo, which is only about 10 minutes away. He likes to catch up with his old friends from the Galápagos Islands: Mommy and Abrazo, the Galápagos tortoises, who are both almost 100 years old. Last year, Mommy gave birth to four female hatchlings, and the Phanatic loves to hang out with them. It brings back fond memories of his childhood in the Galápagos. The hatchlings love playing with the Phanatic, too.

After the zoo, the Phanatic heads to Roxborough for a visit to the Schuylkill Center for Environmental Education. The 365-acre preserve of fields, forests, ponds, and streams is the largest privately held tract of green space in Philadelphia. For the Phanatic, it is both a chance to stretch his legs and reconnect with the natural world. “He just loves the nature,” said Burgoyne. “He loves walking through the forest. It reminds him of his times on the island in the Galápagos.”

By mid-afternoon, the Phanatic is ready for a snack. He makes his way to the Italian Market, where he might duck into Sarcone’s for a ricotta and chocolate chip cannoli. Sweet treat in hand, he makes another stop at a South Philadelphia institution: the Mummers Museum.

“The Phanatic can relate to the Mummers,” Burgoyne said. “They love him, and he loves them ... it could be the feathers or the music. He loves to dance, and the Mummers are all about that. And he also is into not acting your age.”

No perfect day is complete without a win over the Mets, so as the late afternoon approaches, the Phanatic heads back to Citizens Bank Park to fuel up for the big game. In his dressing room, Burgoyne lays out a smorgasbord of Citizens Bank Park favorites: cheesesteaks from Tony Luke’s, barbecue from Bull’s, chicken from Colbie’s, hot dogs, pizza from Manco & Manco, Federal Donuts, and Chickie’s water ice. “I lay all this stuff out, and then he just goes to town about an hour and a half before the game starts,” said Burgoyne.

He likes to watch one of his old VHS tapes to get pumped up for the game. Burgoyne tried to teach him how to stream shows, but he wasn’t interested. He just watches old Phillies highlight tapes instead. Recently, he figured out how to use YouTube so he could watch a documentary called My Way about Jimmy Rollins. He really enjoyed it and recommends it to everyone.

He shoots hot dogs into the stands, dances with fans, rides around on his ATV, and torments Mets fans.

Once the Mets have lost, the Phanatic heads back to his dressing room. The hot dog launcher really takes it out of him, so he is beat. Burgoyne fetches him a warm glass of milk and tucks him into his twin bed. He likes to sleep snug underneath his Phillies blanket.

Lights out.