Lisa Quarantine reporting.
With breaking news from the home front.
Sorry to punk you.
There’s never breaking news from the home front.
Not in quarantine.
Some people in quarantine are bored.
I say we’re lucky to be bored.
I know it’s like Groundhog Day.
But Groundhog Day is one of my favorite movies.
I actually like groundhogs.
I have a groundhog family in my backyard, and they ate all my parsley.
I think that shows excellent taste.
They did not eat the basil.
So they share.
In any event, these are the days when no news is truly good news.
And so I cut my hair.
Did I watch a YouTube video before I did it?
Did I measure it in any way?
You know the expression, “Measure twice, cut once?”
I never heard that expression.
Did I make sure I had the best scissors?
I tried to, but I couldn’t find them. Well, maybe they were upstairs, but I didn’t care enough to go upstairs and look.
I mean, upstairs?
What, am I working out?
I was in the kitchen, so I used the kitchen shears.
I couldn't even believe I had kitchen shears.
At least I didn't use a knife.
Maybe next time!
Anyway I didn't bother with any of the preliminaries, I did it on impulse.
I don’t have the best impulse control.
Like, I get married on impulse.
But I divorce slowly and deliberately.
See, you have to look on the bright side.
In any event, I cut it on my birthday because it was too long and I felt hot and I was just over it. I had just taken a shower, and I said, this is it.
God knows when the next shower would be.
I couldn’t take a chance like that.
Not when you’re living La Vida Quarantina.
So I grabbed those kitchen shears and got busy.
If you’ve been following my adventures with baking, you can guess how my haircut turned out.
Let’s just say the results were uneven.
My hair used to be shoulder-length, but now it’s chin-length, cheek-length, and your nape-length.
Again I’m looking on the bright side.
If you don’t like my haircut, I can just turn my head. Maybe you’ll like my other haircut!
Daughter Francesca says I look like George Washington.
Anyway I disagree.
I’m much more Hamilton.
Or Lin-Manuel Miranda.
In any event, my haircut may not look great, but I feel a hundred percent better.
Lighter, freer, happier.
Like you're supposed to feel when you get a haircut.
It made me remember when haircuts really mattered, like when I was 14.
Especially with young girls, hair was such a big thing. I remember being nervous before getting a haircut. And I remember getting teary after haircuts, because that’s how much they mattered.
I would go home, and Mother Mary would say, “It’ll grow back.”
But I would think, “My life is over.”
I wish now that I’d had that happy feeling after every haircut, growing up. I hope that young women today are different. I think they are. They know that hair doesn’t equal self-worth and that a bad haircut isn’t cause for tears.
I don't know how young men are about haircuts, but I certainly remember the old song about letting your freak flag fly. There was a time when the length of a man's hair signified a political orientation. Ironically, these are the days when every single thing you do or say signifies a political orientation.
These are dark times for our country, but I think they’re teaching us perspective.
None of the externals matter.
The externals fall away, in time.
The people remain.
What's inside them, that is.
The hearts, and their souls.
That's what this country is about.
The goodness we do, and the love we give.
We will persevere to better times.
Take it from me.
I’m George Washington.