Chicago man sues over ‘Are We Dating the Same Guy’ posts about him

A Chicago man is suing more than 50 people and companies over posts about him in an “Are We Dating the Same Guy” Facebook group.

It’s the latest legal battle for the online groups that were created under the guise of protecting women but have faced criticism for potential toxicity and cyberbullying.

In a complaint filed Monday in the District Court for the Northern District of Illinois, Nikko D’Ambrosio claims he’s been the subject of defamation, emotional distress, doxxing, and more. Now, he’s requesting a trial by jury.

Comments in a Chicago edition of the “Are We Dating the Same Guy” group labeled him as “very clingy” and women said he “ghosted” them after sleeping with them, according to screenshots included in the complaint, which was first reported on by 404 Media. Other comments said D’Ambrosio’s photos had been posted in the group before and that he allegedly called a woman names when she refused to spend the night with him.

In the era of dating apps, people have increasingly turned to such groups as “Are We Dating the Same Guy” and “Vouched Dating” to seek or suss out recent matches. The groups aim to compensate for where the apps may fall short when it comes to verification that a person is who they say they are, safe, and truly single.

“Are We Dating the Same Guy” groups work as a forum — typically for women to ask about men they are dating (there are similar alternate versions for men and queer daters). Posters will provide a photo of their new interest along with basic details. The comments section will populate with people supporting the courtship (“He’s my brother’s friend and he’s great!” or warnings (“He’s married with a family” or “He ghosted me last week”).

As noted by the New York Times, the forums were meant to help women look out for other women. But the groups — which have millions of members in more than 150 cities worldwide, including in Philadelphia — have garnered criticism for privacy issues, a lack of fact-checking, and sometimes malicious will. There is also rising concern the groups could put victims of abuse at risk.

Over the years, scattered lawsuits have been filed against the groups or their members, and lawyers have warned that posters could be at risk of legal action.

In D’Ambrosio’s case, he says he and the woman who first posted about him on the Facebook group met at an event in Chicago and chatted briefly. The complaint says that he and the woman had consensual sex the night they met and went on a handful of dates but “never engaged in an exclusive dating relationship.”

He alleges that the woman lied maliciously about him and their relationship and those who commented humiliated him, impaired his reputation; and caused stress, anxiety, and unspecified lost earnings.

“[Their] wrongful conduct is so outrageous in character and so extreme in degree that it is beyond all possible bounds of decency and is to be regarded as atrocious and utterly intolerable in a civilized community,” says the complaint, which contends that the posters knew their accusations were false.

D’Ambrosio is suing 27 named women, a group of unidentified Jane Does, one man, 20 different parts of the Facebook corporation Meta, Patreon, GoFundMe, and the website arewedatingthesame.com. One defendant is a woman who lives in Pennsylvania, though additional details regarding her relation to the lawsuit are not mentioned.

Last year, “Are We Dating the Same Guy” founder Paola Sanchez — one of the women named as adefendant — launched a GoFundMe to raise money to create an app and support its 600 Facebook group administrators. Sanchez, who did not respond to a request for comment, also runs a Patreon account where supporters can get “behind the scenes” looks at Sanchez’s work as a group admin and receive updates about the app. Meta, Patreon, and GoFundMe did not respond to requests for comment.

Trent Law Firm, which is representing D’Ambrosio, told 404 Media that it is seeking “similarly situated victims.”

“Trent Law Firm firmly believes that the evidence will show that our client is a victim of a systemic attack against his reputation for the sole purpose of monetary enrichment,” a spokesperson said.

Online, discourse is mixed. Some are praising the effort to hold the groups — and the social media platforms where they are hosted — accountable. Others say the groups are meant to be a safe space in an age where online dating can be dangerous.

“This group is a place for women to protect, support, and empower other women,” the Chicago group, and other official “Are We Dating the Same Guy” groups’ descriptions say.

The rules go on, “We do our best to keep this space as safe as we can, but we can’t guarantee that something said in the group won’t be leaked by another member. Please be mentally prepared for the possibility that things you say here may get back to who you wrote about.”