There will be wooder. There will be nacho cheese. There will be Grittys as far as the googly eyes can see.
The Flyers and our evil mascot overlord, Gritty, announced Thursday that a Gritty-theme “anti-runners 5k” will take place Sunday, Oct. 13.
This is going to be the best race since Michael Scott’s Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure.
Two news releases were issued Thursday about the event — one from Gritty’s squad, a.k.a. the Flyers’ official communications team, and one from the oscillating orange giant himself.
According to Gritty’s release, the race is 33,792 hot dogs long, but “if you want to take a shortcut and run the first 50 hot dogs then sit the rest out,” he cool with that.
“If you wanna do it for the gram and not really run, also acceptable,” Gritty wrote.
Prizes will be awarded for the fastest runners or “try-hards,” but prizes will also be available for the best-dressed participants, including one for “best in fur.”
Runners will encounter a variety of Gritty antics along the route, which will run from the Wells Fargo Center through the Navy Yard and end back at the sports complex, at Xfinity Live.
Staying on brand, Gritty has already proclaimed himself the victor.
“I will obviously win. I’ll do whatever it takes,” he is quoted as saying in the official news release. “I’ll spin signs around so people run the wrong way. You don’t follow the rules when it’s your event. You just soak in the glory when crossing through those flaming gates of victory.”
It was unclear from the release whether the finish line will actually be flambéed.
A block party or “Gritty Worshipers convention” will be held following the race.
Gritizens can sign up beginning at 2 p.m. Thursday. Registration is $45 through Sept. 5 and $50 thereafter. Proceeds will benefit the Flyers Charities.
No word yet on whether Gritty himself — who has a history of streaking at public events — will be fully clothed during the race.
Last year, a Facebook page was created for a “Running of the Grittys” event initially scheduled for January and then for March, but that run never took place.