A Halloween parade was canceled. Big deal.

My biggest regret as a parent may be when I had to miss my kid’s school Halloween parade three years ago, when she was in kindergarten. It was on a Wednesday at 9:15 a.m., and I couldn’t get off work. Midmorning, my phone started blowing up. “Are you here?” the texts read. “She looks so proud!”

It turned out that my kid was the line leader for her class the week of the parade, and her class was chosen to march first, so she ended up leading the entire school in its parade.

And I missed it.

Our district (Cheltenham) skipped the 2020 Halloween parade because of the pandemic but resumed it last year, and I was there early, desperate to make up for the previous debacle. I used the extra time to stress over which spot would give me the best vantage point, moving restlessly around the school property.

Finally, I picked a place. She walked. I took pictures. It was fine.

She’s already excited for this year and chose her costume (Dracula) weeks ago. We spent last weekend placing skeletons around the outside of the house and buying the most bizarre gourds we could find.

To an 8-year-old, Halloween is awesome.

To an 8-year-old, Halloween is awesome.

So I was sad to learn that Lower Merion had decided to cancel its Halloween parade at its six elementary schools this year. Many parents were also disappointed and confused about the school’s explanation, which cited concerns over security and some kids feeling left out.

Ridiculous, I thought.

But then I called Lower Merion, and now I get it.

» READ MORE: Nixing Halloween parade in Lower Merion causes big stir among parents who ask, ‘What’s next?’

I spoke with Amy Buckman, director of school and community relations for the Lower Merion School District. She started working at the district after 17 people were killed at a school shooting in Parkland, Fla., and since then, concerns about school safety have grown. Now there’s a security guard stationed at the entrance of every elementary school in Lower Merion every day that kids are there, something they didn’t have when she started, Buckman told me.

The parade isn’t an optional, after-school activity like sports, and a guard can’t screen every person crowding around the school perimeter to see the kids. The district is right across the river from Roxborough, where 14-year-old Nicolas Elizalde was shot and killed at a high school last month. “There is no way to guarantee the safety of an entire school population surrounded by unscreened community members,” she told me. “What has happened at schools across this country could happen at any school.”

Still, I was perplexed by the reasoning of “inclusivity.” But Buckman told me that every year, each school reports that a “small handful” of kids don’t participate in the parade because their parents won’t let them.

The concerns about inclusivity go beyond religion, Buckman explained. Not every parent can spend weeks working on a spectacular homemade costume, or afford to buy one, she said — and often, like me, can’t take off work to watch their kid in the middle of the day. “Those children are maybe made to feel ‘less than.’”

After I talked to Buckman, I asked my kid when she got home from school if she remembered the Halloween parade in kindergarten.

“Yeah,” she said, with an of course inflection.

“Do you remember if I was there or not?” I asked.

“You weren’t there,” she said.

“Are you sad I missed it?”

“Yes,” she said, without hesitation. “Because you didn’t get to see me lead the whole school.”

It’s been three years and a global pandemic that killed millions of people, and she still remembers I missed her parade.

I can hear the rebuttals — even if I wasn’t there, she got to lead the parade, and doesn’t that make it worth having?

The kids at Lower Merion will have ample opportunities to celebrate the holiday, Buckman said. “Halloween is not canceled,” she emphasized. Halloween falls on a Monday this year, and that day, kids have the option of coming to class in costume or an outfit that reflects their interests or personality. “I imagine we’re going to have a lot of kids in Phillies T-shirts, or Eagles shirts,” she predicted. They will be able to play games with their class, then all schools have an early dismissal. “Then they have the afternoon to celebrate if they want, or not.”

The district skipped the parade the last two years due to COVID-19 and decided not to resume this year after “a very thoughtful conversation,” weighing the potential risks and benefits, said Buckman. Given that the event has little “educational value,” resuming it “didn’t seem a risk worth taking.”

This isn’t “cancel culture,” or an insurrection by the “woke police” — this is a school district doing away with one event out of legitimate concerns while giving kids ample opportunities to enjoy Halloween however they want. It’s just not a big deal.

I actually think the Lower Merion kids have a better deal. I asked my kid if she’d rather have her Halloween parade — where she can show off her long-planned costume, including makeup and fake nails — or an early dismissal. “Early dismissal,” she told me. “Definitely.”

Alison McCook is an assistant opinion editor at The Inquirer. She occasionally writes about health, caregiving, and all things Philly.