Merry, happy, mindful: Five ways to practice self-care during the holidays | Opinion

This time of year can feel exciting but also overwhelming, especially in light of the ways the pandemic has and is still impacting our lives. Even if we do have the capacity to be joy-filled, it is a busy time of year, focused on others, which can mean that self-care falls off our radar. However, even in the midst of caring for others, we are allowed to take care of our needs. Below are some ways to be proactive about mindful self-care during the holidays.

One thing we’ve been hearing during the pandemic to care for our mental health is to turn off the news, social media, etc., to give ourselves a needed break. This can also be applied to the holidays. It’s OK to take an evening, a day, etc., to not think about all we hope to accomplish. It would also be important to communicate with those close to you that you are taking this break. Once you are ready to reengage, you can let people know.

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We already have food prep lists, grocery lists, and gift lists. What about a list of what we feel we may want or need during this season? It can be useful to take some time to reflect and be honest with ourselves about what is important to us during this time. Are we really hoping we can enjoy some focused family time, or perhaps it’s a hope that someone else will host a particular gathering this year? If we can take some time and reflect on these things, it can help to carve out the space we need to make them happen.

Even as we prepare for the holidays, it can be helpful to take some time to prepare ourselves for what we may encounter. What has happened in the past that has been hard or difficult about this situation? Think about the various stressors that you may encounter and how you may handle it. What if someone asks a question you’d rather not answer or brings up a topic you don’t want to discuss? You may want to come prepared with a statement such as “I realize you are asking because you care about me, but I’d rather not talk about it.” It can also be helpful to discuss the various scenarios with someone you trust, who knows you and can offer support.

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The holidays can bring up memories of loved ones who are no longer with us, and it can be hard to know how to process feelings about this during the holidays, particularly when others around us may be happy and celebrating. It’s OK to take time to process the loss of loved ones. Perhaps this includes lighting a candle while you engage in an activity which represents their presence with you, or starting a new tradition to honor their memory. Maybe you invite others into this tradition or practice as well, to connect, reflect, and be mindful together.

We know that no matter how much we prepare or reflect, things will not all work out the way we planned. We may be mindful, prepared, even rested, and still something will not turn out the way we hoped. This is the time for self-compassion. We are taught and strive to be gentle and kind to others, only to be hard and judgmental on ourselves. It can be helpful in these situations to think: If my closest friend was in this situation, made this mistake, or had this outcome, how would I respond to them? Would I berate them for not being “good enough,” or would I want them to know how important they are, how valuable they are, and that it’s OK? Then, apply that to yourself. It can be an incredibly powerful tool when you need it most.

Rose Milani is a research coordinator in the Department of Psychiatry at Thomas Jefferson University.