As the Democrats dither over Biden, the dog days of summer get new meaning

All I wanted after four long days of the Republican National Convention was a break — a rest, a respite … an exorcism if I could get it.

But the funny thing about trying to relax these days as an engaged citizen of the burning refuse receptacle that is our republic is that there really is no escape.

Not deep in the woods.

Not laid out on a beach.

Not even while restocking my Little Free Library, which I did recently, only to discover that someone has apparently taken such offense at it being dedicated to the late Rep. John Lewis that they’ve tagged it with Donald Trump stickers. Do you know how annoying it is to scrape those things off?

I ultimately settled on turning away from all my screens to spend some uninterrupted time with my dogs.

But we can’t even catch a break while hanging out with our four-legged besties, whose confounding behavior suddenly seems to have an unnerving resemblance to the political party that doesn’t have a twice-impeached, xenophobic, convicted felon atop its presidential ticket, but nevertheless finds itself in a skittish panic.

Allow me a couple of brief introductions.

Meet Lou, my 5-year-old golden retriever rescue, a COVID-19 puppy who is a total sweetheart but whose pandemic-era isolation has made him super-anxious around his own species.

Same, buddy, same.

And Hank, a year-old lab mix rescue who, short of experiencing his special brand of unhinged enthusiasm firsthand, can only be described as a Chaos Goblin.

Hank has picked up some unbecoming habits lately, like chasing his own tail — kind of like President Joe Biden as he tries to reassure us all that he’s in tip-top shape. Hank has also taken to nosing around other dogs’ messes, like every Democrat who is sniffing around for opportunity.

And just when I think Hank’s finally learned from his mistakes, and those pricey obedience school lessons, he goes and does something to potentially cause himself serious harm, as he did when he ate a corn cob off a kitchen counter that resulted in an expensive emergency veterinary visit.

In the Dems case, that would be equivalent to eating their own with all this embarrassing infighting about whether Biden should stay in the presidential race — and without a real backup plan if he leaves. Their dithering could not only cost them the election but also result in every American losing our democracy as we know it. Saying Pick someone else isn’t a plan to fight a wannabe dictator.

Neither is planning on a protest vote against Biden and Trump by casting a ballot for Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Drop it … Drop it! Don’t bring a rabid raccoon into the house, Hank.

And then there’s my Sweet Lou, who hungers for everyone’s attention but whose self-sabotaging behavior can repel even the most committed dog person. While I fruitlessly insist he’s all bark who sometimes bites — OK, more like nips — any hand that feeds him must be prepared for an overzealous reaction to snacks. You’ll find Lou’s equivalent in the Democratic Party as politician after politician gnaws at one another, only to make up later with slobbery kisses.

Sound familiar? Together, these dogs are two walking ids, moved to answer their own base needs regardless of the circumstances. Look! A squirrel. Wait! A poll says Biden’s approval ratings are slipping?

Don’t get me wrong, they are good boys — my dogs, not the politicians — who, for the most part, are doing the things that are in their nature. But they can be exhausting, much like Democrats, from whom we should be able to expect more than getting sidetracked by butterflies and blowing leaves.

As horrifying as the four-day RNC/Trump revival was, it’s also been pretty painful to watch the Democrats undercut one another while Republicans gleefully stand by and watch the mess unfold.

Sit! Stay! Focus!

It didn’t seem to matter to many people that Trump’s calls for unity were really demands for submission, or that the facade of a changed man after a bullet grazed his ear in an assassination attempt earlier this month fell apart about a half hour into a 92-minute speech while he accepted his party’s nomination at the RNC on Thursday.

“In an age when our politics too often divide us, now is the time to remember that we are all fellow citizens,” Trump said before calling Biden the worst president in U.S. history, labeling former Democratic House Speaker Nancy Pelosi “crazy,” and accusing Democrats of launching judicial witch hunts against him — all while creating a “planet of war.”

We all know the saying about old dogs and new tricks. But, as any successful dog owner knows, you can choose to protect your dog — and in the process everyone else — from their own worst instincts.

And for the Democrats, that’s their reflexive response: fear, fatalism, and maddening resignation.

You have a candidate who has a real, documented record of accomplishment when it comes to the things that matter most for a president. No doubt Biden has to answer valid questions about his age and ability to serve, but the calls for him to step aside are like the Democrats allowing the tail to wag the dog — and if that’s what he decides to do, what comes next?

That‘s a question no politician or pundit has been able to effectively answer as the Democrats size each other up and wait.

But they better get moving — and fast. Now is hardly the time to roll over and play dead.