Bryce Harper isn't going anywhere that isn't on the other side of a hard wall.
While chasing a fly ball on Monday, the young Nationals star ran face-first into the outfield wall in Dodgers Stadium, giving himself 11 stitches and creating pain in most of his body parts. It was a trademark "Bryce Harper" style play, in which running at full speed in every direction, all the time, somehow results in injury.
But Harper was not to be deterred following the incident, taking to Twitter to announce how little of an effect the face-smashing had on his thoughts about face-smashings.
So passionate is the 20-year-old about fracturing himself, he is willing to put his life on the line. If that's not tough, I don't know what is.
"That sounds less like 'tough' and more like 'brain problems,'" suggests a normal person.
Well, why don't you throw your face and body into a wall repetitively and then try to type a coherent public statement, smart guy?
The Phillies may not be in first place in their division, but you should check out ESPN's Battle of the Uniforms, in which they are also not in first place, and might already be eliminated.
After coasting past the burnt red hues of the Diamondbacks' uniforms in round one, the Phillies are now facing off against the Dodgers, and losing by a considerable margin.
Despite the results, the contest has been full of interesting uniform facts, such as, did you know the Phillies have ever had the word 'Philadelphia' written on their uniforms? And that's it; that's the only Phillies fact.
But how about this gem: The Red Sox are named after red socks.
L.A. has become the NFL's most lucrative empty stadium.
With such a big market saving a vacated space, L.A. is the first name that comes up if a team has any problems securing stadium deals with their home city.
As Liam Dillon writes, the Dolphins, Panthers, Raiders, Colts, Vikings, Seahawks, Saints, and Chargers have all made vague threats or comments or conspicuous parkings of company jets about moving their teams there to gain an upper hand in negotiations.
The Chargers are the most recent of L.A.'s potential occupants, and even as they threaten that the window of opportunity for San Diego to provide them with a new stadium is closing, after ten years, it's still a pretty big window.
HADER GONNE HADE
Saturday Night Live bright spot Bill Hader is planning on leaving the show at the end of the current season; an announcement that comes the same week as news of Seth Meyers departing the Weekend Update desk to take over for Jimmy Fallon on Late Night.
These are two big spots that will be left open going into 2014, which means SNL might have to suffer through a weak season for the first time since the last season.