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Nobody wants to live at Michael Jordan's house

Waking up at Michael Jordan's house probably isn't so bad.

Roll out of bed in one of your nine bedrooms and onto your regulation-size NBA basketball court; or take a few shots on the putting green if you're not quite awake yet. Maybe wander aimlessly around the sevem acres at your disposal, or imagine filling the 14-car garage with 14 cars.

The opportunities are limitless in this Highland Park estate, along the coast of Lake Michigan, provided you have several more tens of millions of dollars to play with after paying a list price that at one point was $29 million, then dropped to $21 million, and just recently, failed to sell at an auction in which people had to pay $250,000 just to be a part of the equation.

Here are some homes in Northern Virginia you could buy with the entry fee to the auction for Michael Jordan's house.

It's no surprise that the house has been on the market since February 2012 (It was built in 1994 and features a fancy # 23 on the front gates; also, there are front gates). Well, it's actually a bit surprising some eccentric 1%-er hasn't been blinded by their nostalgia for the '90s Bulls and forked over the several trucks of money required to own the property.

But hey, it's 2013. Maybe zillionaires just aren't as eccentric as they used to be. Said a realtor via CNN Money:

"Homes over $3 million are still a tough sell. It's an awful lot of money, Jordan or no Jordan," said Howard Mandel, a realtor with Coldwell Banker. "Granted it's got a full regulation NBA court, but I don't know how many people are looking for that.

Well sure; nobody's looking for that, but it's your job to convince them how lucky they are to have found it.

Maybe it would be the perfect place for a Space Jam holiday viewing party, but then things go wrong and suddenly the guests have to play actual aliens on the regulation court in a house once owned by Michael Jordan with help from the Looney Toons, who have materialized out of the movie screen by way of a Christmas magic spell or WHY ISN'T ANYONE WRITING THIS DOWN.