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Phillies Phestival ends in tears

Chase Utley just brings out the hysterical crying in all of us.

The Phillies had the day off yesterday, but still had to go into the office.

It was the 2013 Phillies Phestival, that wonderful time of year when we fans are permitted within touching distance of our favorite players, a bold move by the organization and one that even this year resulted in tears.

Chase Utley just brings out the hysterical crying in all of us, in the same way that Ben Revere brings out our sense of true camaraderie.


Okay, step one is to make your face as small as possible. Just scrunch it all in there.  If somebody asks if you're okay or gasps and dials 911, you're doing it right.

Step two is to reach out and sort of use your skull as a feeler to find where the base is.  If you've ever seen a cat try to smother its own baby to death with its head, you'll get this one right away.

After that, just let the momentum carry you off the bag and into the safety of your third base coach in foul territory, who is permitted to punch or kick the third baseman if he tries to tag you with the ball, I hope.

Voila! You are good to go. Hey, if anybody ever figures out to slide without attaining some grotesque facial injuries please let me know.


WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE PHIL JACKSON ALONE this article suggests in so many words and capitalizations.

Phil Jackson is just like you. His hobbies include doing his own grocery shopping, sketching, and being pursued for high profile basketball coaching gigs. He admires his 13 NBA Championship rings one at a time.

Jackson is enjoying his multifaceted epilogue to an astounding career in basketball, but as Sam Anderson writes in the New York Times, teams will always need coaches, and therefore, they will always want Phil Jackson.

Including the Sixers, who werer only sort of laughed out of the room, probably.


Is everyone keeping up with "Scandal?"  Because Samuel L. Jackson is.

This has been your "Samuel L. Jackson 'Scandal' Noise of the Week." Congrats, Mr. Jackson.