Lord, hear my prayer:
"Please let 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5, with a Mega Ball of 6, win tonight's Mega Millions jackpot advertised at $636 million (really worth like $100 million cash after taxes, after it's split), so that 147 people will match and each get a little richer, instead of every penny going to Uncle Sam and some greedy geezer who'll leave it to his chihuahua, Voldemort."
But I'm not the only one with wishes inspired by gigantic jackpots.
Millions play, millions pray. Some believe those prayers were answered.
Supposedly, a New York atheist once mockingly prayed for his mom to win $1 million and promised to repent if she hit. She won $1 million the next day – through tickets bought at church.
When the SEPTA 48 stepped forward to collect a $172.7 million Powerball jackpot, longtime employee Larry Green talked about his wife, who died a year and a day before the winning drawing in April 2012.
"She always talked about us hitting the lottery," Green told the media. "... I believe in the power of prayer ... and I prayed for a lottery win. ... So I just wanted to say, never doubt the power of prayer."
Then there's this message board poster, who said there's a "special prayer" that "always works," and it not only won him $31 million, it won somebody in New Jersey $300 million. But, sorry, nope, can't share it, "because then you all will be millionaires." As if that's a bad thing? He signs off with two tips: "You, have to make sacrifices to the Lord. You must have Faith and have it in your heart. God Bless."
Experts say there's only one rational way to improve them: "Buy more tickets." But that's of little use, since the odds are hellishly horrible.
Truth in advertising: "There are 258,890,849 ways to lose playing Mega Millions!"
Only God can beat odds that bad. In that (holy) spirit, here are some prayers found around the Internet. After all, prayer is free -- unless you give Blondey five bucks to do it for you, using "the famous Silva Method" (which I never heard of).
Lord, I know that I am not worthy to you, I know that I have sins, I'm not a perfect one, but I am here begging for you to help us overcome for all our financial difficulties, help us to win in lottery even once only and also help us to get our money back, help also those people who have done wrong to us, thank you Oh Lord. – Gina.
Dear God, please grant me luck that one day I will win the lottery so I can spend more time with my two boys Brian and Sean and I can take care of my mom and dad and brothers and sister Kathy. – Anonymous
Selected lines from a YouTube video:
Dad, in church, with family: "Repeat after me ..."
Daughter: "I am not praying for you to win the Powerball."
Mom: "Somehow I don't feel right about this."
Husband: "Just repeat after me ..."
Daughter: " Dear God, Please, please let my daddy win Powerball tonight. Amen."
Mom: "I am not going to do this."
Dad: "Dear God, please let me win Powerball tonight. It's $300 million."
Daughter: "We'll have enough to get that new couch set."
"Dear God, let me win tonight's Mega Millions lotto so I can prove money can buy happiness."
If you lose, don't assume God ignored you. His answer might just be one you didn't want to hear, as summed up by this tweet, delivered from above by the Almighty's secretary, who grew up in New Jersey:
Reply from "God / TheTweetofGod"
" 'Why didn't you answer my prayer this morning about winning the lottery?' " It was absolutely completely answered: no." – God.
Contact staff writer Peter Mucha at 215-854-4342 or email@example.com.