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What Chip meant to say Monday

As a public service, I've interpreted some of Chip Kelly's responses from his Monday news conference. Hope it helps:

Q: The way the season has gone, do you regret any of the moves you made in the offseason?

What Chip said: "Nah, I don't look at it that way. I'm looking at it as we've got to finish this season off the right way. We'll do a full evaluation when we're done.''

What Chip meant: "Looking back on it now, I'm pretty sure I had just taken some of that don't-operate-heavy-machinery pain medication when I gave the go-ahead to sign DeMarco Murray and wasn't thinking clearly. I blame Ed Marynowitz for that. He should've had the good sense to stop me. And trading LeSean for Kiko, I really don't what the hell I was thinking there. Seemed like a good idea at the time.''

Q: Has having the dual role of being the head coach and head of personnel been more taxing than you expected?

What Chip said: "No, not at all. Again, I'm not the general manager. I don't run the personnel department. I'm not in charge of scouting. I don't tell our scouts where they're going (to scout). The only difference (from before) is that I was in control of the 53-man roster, and now, I'm in control of the (offseason) 90-man roster. My job has never changed. To say I'm the head coach and general manager, I'm not the general manager. I don't negotiate contracts. I don't do any of that stuff. I just have a say about who's on the 90-man roster as opposed to who's on the 53-man roster.''

What Chip meant: "I don't know where you guys got the idea that I'm the general manager. It doesn't say that in the media guide. I have absolutely no power here. They don't even let me pick out the music for practice. I didn't find out we had signed Miles Austin until I read it in one of your rags. If you're looking for someone to blame for all the horrible moves we've made since last March, Ed Marynowitz is your man.''

Q: Do you have a sense of how disappointed Jeffrey (Lurie) is right now?

What Chip said: "He's very disappointed. I don't think there's anybody here who's excited about the situation right now. Everybody in this league, if you don't make the playoffs, there's huge disappointment.''

What Chip meant: "Frankly, I've been purposely avoiding him. But he's been sending me some pretty nasty e-mails. The guy curses like a sailor. He's madder than my mother was the time I painted "growth mindset'' on the front of our house.''

Q: What if the owner decides that having you in charge of the 90-man roster isn't working, that it isn't the right setup?

What Chip said: "The owner can decide whatever he wants to decide. It's his team. He can do whatever he wants. It's always been that way.''

What Chip meant: "Hang on. My cell phone's ringing. It's the AD at Ball State. I've got to take this.''

Q: You go from being a top-10 defense going into the Carolina game to giving up 38 or more points in four of the last six games.

What Chip said: "It's disappointing. And it varies. You look at the Redskins game and we did a good job in rush defense, but in pass defense, not a very good job at all. In other games, like Tampa Bay and Arizona, we got the ball run on us. So it's different in each game. You do a good job of taking one aspect away. But you have to take more than one aspect away to beat good football teams. That's the frustrating aspect for us right now.''

What Chip meant: "You know, I really don't have a whole lot to do with the defense. That's all Bill Davis. He's our defensive coordinator. Anything that happens on that side of the ball is his fault, er, I mean responsibility. Do you guys have his phone number? His home address? Would you like to schedule an interview?