For whatever reason, Americans are obsessed with Phil Robertson and the rest of the Bible-thumping, backwoods-hunting, bearded cast of A&E's Duck Dynasty. In a recent profile of Robertson for GQ, writer Drew Magary points out that every week, 14 million American's watch the show, which is two million more than the number of folks who tuned in for the Breaking Bad series finale.
Magary also takes a step back and allows Robertson to pontificate on the illogical sin of homosexuality.
"It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me. I'm just thinking: There's more there! She's got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying? But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man. It's just not logical."
Does Robertson stop there, though? Of course not...
What, in your mind, is sinful?
"Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men," he says. Then he paraphrases Corinthians: "Don't be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won't inherit the kingdom of God. Don't deceive yourself. It's not right."
During Phil's darkest days, in the early 1970s, he had to flee the state of Arkansas after he badly beat up a bar owner and the guy's wife. Kay Robertson persuaded the bar owner not to press charges in exchange for most of the Robertsons' life savings. ("A hefty price," he notes in his memoir.) I ask Phil if he ever repented for that, as he wants America to repent—if he ever tracked down the bar owner and his wife to apologize for the assault. He shakes his head.
"I didn't dredge anything back up. I just put it behind me."
As far as Phil is concerned, he was literally born again. Old Phil—the guy with the booze and the pills—died a long time ago, and New Phil sees no need to apologize for him: "We never, ever judge someone on who's going to heaven, hell. That's the Almighty's job. We just love 'em, give 'em the good news about Jesus—whether they're homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort 'em out later, you see what I'm saying?"
If you're interested in learning more about the Robertsons, head on over to GQ and check out the full, three-page profile to learn the intimate details of their now infamous lifestyle. You'll be treated with gems like Phil's opinion on Nazis and Shintos (they needed Jesus) and anecdotes about killing and eating squirrels.
Ah, America the beautiful at its finest, huh?[GQ]