"Do you loathe going to holiday parties because you're a modern human being who doesn't believe in God," begins the latest skit from Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson's Broad City. "Well, listen up — we've got some tips that everyone can use to turn that awkward Christmas party into a holiday hootenanny."
And they're just in time, too. Broad City won't return to Comedy Central until January, but luckily Glazer and Jacobson can still shepherd you through the most awkward time of year with a few great (?) tips. A few highlights:
Stay away from the "hipster libertarians" at the party.
When in doubt, hot box your host's bathroom and raid the medicine cabinet.
Augment your self-medication with eggnog (or, as Glazer says, "oggnog").
Peppermint bark makes great fake herpes sores.
Of course, if all else fails, you can always light up a Molotov cocktail for a convenient distraction to mask your exit. Actually, don't do that.
Instead, just watch the video above and wait until Broad City to return next month — things are safer that way.