Ask Amy | Don't talk to friend's therapist

Dear Amy:

My best friend is going to be visiting a therapist for the first time.

I have long believed that she has ADD. I have it and see similar symptoms in her.

I've told her what I think, but she just brushes me off.

I want to call her therapist and let him/her know to keep an eye out for ADD.

If my friend hears this from a professional, I think she would be more accepting of it.

Obviously, I wouldn't be telling the counselor to diagnose her, just to keep an eye out.

Is this appropriate?

Dear Concerned: It is inappropriate for you to contact your friend's therapist, unless your friend is particularly disturbed and you think that she is in danger of hurting herself or someone else.

You are a good friend to encourage your friend to start therapy. Now you need to be a good friend and let her have this experience in her own way. You need to give her and her therapist time to get to know each other. This is your friend's business. She will share whatever she chooses to share. You need to step back and let her express herself to you without pushing her toward a diagnosis.

The right therapist will help her to understand her own behavior and make the changes that she needs to make in her own life, regardless of how (or whether) she is labeled.

Please don't push. If you do, you could push your friend right out of therapy.