Question:

My father is getting remarried after being apart from my mom for a few years. I am not crazy about his fiancee, as he has changed everything in his life to fit hers.

They asked me to be a bridesmaid, and I said yes because I didn't know what else to say (I don't handle difficult issues well). I just don't think I can be a bridesmaid. How can I tell my dad without hurting him?

Answer: Please don't "tell" him. Talk to him, about your fear of losing him.

It might be true that he's subjugating himself and his family to please his new bride-to-be. But it also might be that he changed a long time ago to fit your mom's life, and now, older and wiser, he's pursuing his true interests with someone who happens to share them.

It might be that he can pursue these interests and love you no less than before.

It might be that he doesn't realize you feel neglected and would hope you'd allow him to fix it.

It might be that his including you in his wedding party was his way - and his bride's - of letting you know where you stand, in not just a literal sense.

It might then be OK to beg off, if you still want to.

If instead you just take a big stand on one little day, he may be hurt, without ever knowing there's more to the truth.

Q: Something strange happened recently. A bridesmaid from my October wedding said an anonymous source told her that one of the groomsmen had been bashing me throughout the reception.

Everyone is in the dark about what happened, and bridesmaid won't reveal her source. I should also say the bridesmaid hates this groomsman.

How do I deal with this? It creates a different image of my reception, but also seems like high-school drama.

A: Bridesmaid 1, bride 0. Stop empowering her.

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