Hustler sex stores seek salad-day sales by stopping vegetable abuse

THERE ARE slow days in Tattle and then there are sloooooooo

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days.

And thus we have an item about adult retailer Hustler Hollywood announcing that its national chain of stores is launching a #StopVegetableAbuse

campaign, with the hope of getting women (and some men) to buy real sex toys.

Nope, not an April Fools' joke.

Hustler Hollywood claims that every day, cucumbers, zucchinis and carrots are improperly exploring strange new worlds far from the salad bar, in ways different from how the laws of nature intended.

Hustler also claims that vegetable abuse is gateway produce-to-fruit abuse.

And bananas don't grow on trees, you know.

Well, they sorta do.

The retailer says that #StopVegetableAbuse billboards are sprouting up in cities across the country - probably near the new Daily News billboards highlighting our columnists.

Starting in November, Disney will take the animated movie "Tangled" and turn it into . . . a musical.

But not a Broadway musical - at least yet.

No, "Tangled: The Musical" will debut at sea aboard the Disney Magic cruise ship.

Academy Award-winning composer Alan Menken and Grammy Award-winning lyricist Glenn Slater will write additional songs for the show.

We think they should just get the rights to "Hair," "Whip My Hair" and "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair."

* It seemed as if we might get through an entire week without Disney adapting another of its classic cartoons into a live-action movie.

(Insert buzzer sound.)

The Los Angeles Times reports that indie filmmaker Alex Ross Perry is going to write a live-action film based on the characters of "Winnie the Pooh."

The thought makes Tattle feel more like Eeyore than usual.

* It's a good thing this wasn't announced on April 1, because it has an air of foolishness to it.

TVLine.com reports that Netflix is close to bringing back "Full House," with Hallmark Channel favorite Candace Cameron Bure (DJ Turner) and Andrea Barber (Kimmy Gibler) starring in "Fuller House."

John Stamos may produce. He, Bob Saget and Dave Coulier may guest star.

"Fuller House"? What's next, "The Odd Trio"? "Three Full Men"? "Four's Company"?

* A play by

David Bowie

and

Enda Walsh ("Once"), based on Walter Tevis' 1963 novel The Man Who Fell to Earth (a 1976 movie version of which Bowie starred in), is headed to off-Broadway next winter.

Bowie even wrote some new songs, reports Rolling Stone.

* Edie Falco and cast members from the Showtime series "Nurse Jackie" rang the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange yesterday.

Who was higher, Nurse Jackie or the average trader on the floor?

* Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig are going to star in . . . a Lifetime movie?

In "A Deadly Adoption," the pair will play a couple who befriend a pregnant woman in hopes of adopting her child.

So says Lifetime, and they say the movie is already shot.

* In Austin, Texas, state trooper Billy Spears (not to be confused with "Sgt. Pepper's" one and only Billy Shears) is in deep Dogg doo.

Spears was working security at South by Southwest when Snoop Dogg asked to take a picture with him. Snoop posted the image to Instagram with the comment, "Me n my deputy dogg."

As Snoop has several convictions for drug possession, Department of Public Safety and Transportation officials cited Spears for deficiencies that require counseling by a supervisor.

Why they were following Snoop's Instagram account, we have no idea.

* Deadline.com says that Sean Combs has made a deal with FX for an animated comedy, "Brightmore Elementary," which is described as "South Park" set in inner-city Detroit."

If they can wring laughs out of inner-city Detroit, that will be a show worth watching.

- Daily News wire services

contributed to this report.