Ask Amy | Were her ex's actions a sign of disrespect?

Dear Amy:

I was married for 20 years to a man I grew up with, and we lived together for four years before we got married.

I left him last June, for the third time in two years.

I couldn't take all the fighting and not being able to trust him.

He did not want to get divorced. He apologized many times and wanted to get back together, but I said no, and our divorce was final in January.

He brought his girlfriend to meet his mother for Easter and took her to meet the family, with my daughter there! I was angry. Do I have a right to feel angry?

He tells me that I have to let go and get on with my life. I just expected a little more respect for my child and myself. This all happened during the first holiday since we where divorced, and it hurt.

Dear Disappointed: If you left your husband last June, and he brought his girlfriend into the picture this past Easter, then I count several holidays between June and when he introduced a girlfriend to your daughter. Granted, your divorce wasn't final until January, but I gather that you and your ex-husband were living apart for at least six months before your divorce became final. Your ex might have deliberately waited to have this meeting until after the divorce was final, which is appropriate.

Your ex's responsibility is to make sure that he behaves respectfully to his daughter and her mother (you). But you both have the right to have other relationships, and while neither of you should have revolving-door relationships; there's nothing wrong with introducing a friend to family during a family holiday.