Dear Amy:

My husband is going to his 40th high school reunion without me.

Ever since he decided to go, he has pointed out all the reasons why he doesn't want to take me. He says it's too expensive, for instance, even though money isn't a problem. He also says that I'll be bored and not know anyone, even though we dated all through his senior year of high school.

When I continually object to his not wanting me to go, he tells me to go if I want to, but he'll make sure I'm bored and will regret going.

I'm not going to force myself on him after that comment.

This is a party with a dinner, bar and dancing.

He says I'm being stupid when I try to explain that this leaves me with a negative feeling about myself. It makes me feel like I'm too old and not eye candy.

Because of things he has said and done in the past, I don't know if I can get past this hurt. Should I even try?

- Excluded Wife

Dear Excluded:

One of the many things I've learned from this column is the tension that high school and college reunions bring to relationships. This is a common issue.

I recently had a landmark high school reunion myself and "eye candy" doesn't exactly describe the typical middle-age reunion participant. And trust me, the men didn't seem to be aging any better than the women at this juncture.

However, reunions are not about reality. They are about spending a brief moment within the fantasy of who we think we were back then and who we wish we were today.

You say you don't want to force yourself on him, but I think you should consider it. Call your husband's bluff, go and have a great time, if not with him.

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