I am a professional woman in my late 20s. I admit to being commitment-phobic.
I have no desire to be married or even in a relationship. I have always felt this way.
I recently began having an affair with a married man.
We have never spoken about his wife, but he knows I know he's married.
I do not want an emotional relationship with him, and I think he is on the same page.
I know I should feel guilty about this, but somehow I don't. I feel as though his wife undoubtedly realizes what's going on.
Considering that he spends every other weekend at my house, how could she not know?
Maybe she's choosing to ignore it. Could this be the reason I'm having a hard time feeling guilty?
I have always despised cheaters. What has prompted me to change and be so heartless?
At this point, the only reason I would want to end this liaison would be if he were to tell me he wanted more from this situation.
Abby, I need some tough, honest, brutal advice to make me finally stop this.
- The Other Woman in St. Paul
DEAR OTHER WOMAN: I'll try. If you truly felt good about this relationship, you would not have written to me asking for my help in ending it.
Whether your lover's wife knows about the affair or not is beside the point. She may tolerate it because she enjoys her lifestyle and doesn't want it disrupted because her husband is a womanizer.
You call yourself "heartless" and say you don't feel guilty. However, I believe neither statement is true.
You are involved in this relationship because it feels good, and I caution you that when something feels good, it is easy to become addicted.
Once that happens, you will become emotionally vulnerable, and then you'll be in for a world of pain.
There's no free lunch. There is always a price that somebody has to pay.
DEAR ABBY: I have worked at my present job a little more than a year. When I make a mistake, my supervisor comes over to my desk, leans very close to me and tells me loudly what I have done wrong.
The office is very large, and I find her behavior threatening. I feel like I am backed into a corner. My way of dealing with it is just to say anything to get her out of "my space." It's also embarrassing that everyone in the office can hear everything we say. I'm about ready to file a harassment suit.
How can I get her to back off a little or take it to a private office?
- Intimidated in Wichita, Kan.
DEAR INTIMIDATED: Your supervisor's behavior is insensitive. Some people become so intimidated when they are publicly embarrassed or their space is invaded that they "blank out" and can't remember all the details of what happened - hardly an effective management technique.
At a time when both of you are calm, talk to her privately, in her office with the door closed (that's how she should be correcting you), and explain how her "corrective technique" affects you. If that doesn't work, then talk to her supervisor or your union rep. It appears your supervisor could use some coaching on effective management.