Maybe you were among the few who tuned in for this week's debut of
, a reality show produced and "created" by Ryan Seacrest, the oleaginous announcer for
Three eligible bachelors are installed in a mansion in Santa Barbara, Calif. In this luxe setting, 32 lovelies fight for their attention with ferocious sexual brazenness. (When I was that age, it took copious amounts of tequila to get a woman to act that uninhibited. Now all it takes is a camera.)
The catch: The guys are shadowed by their creepily enmeshed moms. These are literally helicopter parents, hovering with binoculars in choppers above the hot tub and the beach.
Asked by TV Guide how he came up with his concept, Seacrest said, "About a year ago, I was standing in my kitchen talking to my mother. I suddenly realized, I actually run
by her - from career decisions to where I'm going for dinner."
Others argue that Seacrest found inspiration elsewhere.
Turkish TV producers sued him for "willfully appropriating" the concept from their series
, which does Super Bowl-like numbers in their country. The similarities between the two shows are striking.
A federal judge threw out the suit, not because it lacked merit, but because it was filed too late.
gets to join Seacrest's stable of stellar reality shows:
Keeping Up With the Kardashians
Denise Richards: It's Complicated;
and the forthcoming
, a bad
knockoff starring Brody Jenner, a fifth banana on
Seacrest's momma must be so proud. But not enough to teach him grammar. Shouldn't it be
What's my motivation?
Someday they'll be sitting around in the solarium at the actors' assisted-living facility, and one retiree will say, "I don't know if I ever told you this, but I once played a serial killer on
The rest of the room will burst out in a chorus: "Me too."
The lineup of guest-star madmen on the CBS drama includes
's Keith Carradine,
's Jason Alexander,
Malcolm in the Middle
's Frankie Muniz,
's James Van Der Beek, and
's Jamie Kennedy.
This week's murderer was played by Mitch Pileggi (
who made a gourmet meal of the role. Playing the shrewish wife who drove him over the brink? Faith Ford, Corky on
unveiled its Top 20 Stars of 2008 this week.
Most of the list was defensible - with two glaring exceptions: Marie Osmond came in at No. 12 and brother Donny at No. 8. Their accomplishments? They mounted a stage show that is "lighting up Las Vegas." That claim was accompanied by a clip of a cruise-ship-caliber duet on a hoary Christmas song. Next stop: Branson, Mo.
For this they each deserved a spot on the list? Really? Couldn't they at least have been a combined entry?
Oh that's right, Donny and Marie are correspondents for
. This was the infotainment equivalent of nepotism.
Love the commercial in which Ozzy Osbourne is so slurred and incomprehensible that he has to text his request to the person standing right in front of him.
Let's put aside for the moment the implausibility that he would have a random barista and a cabbie on speed dial.
What amazes me about the ad is that I can actually understand most of what he's garbling. All those years of watching
is finally paying off.
Can I get a foreign language credit on my transcript for this?
Happy holidays, y'all.