I had trouble containing myself when I read the letter from "Mixed-Up in Missouri" (Sept. 21), the "nice guy" with a string of failed relationships because he is "too good to be true." Please let him know that he is truly a gem waiting to be discovered. He reminds me of my own "prince," whom I was finally able to find after a divorce, countless frogs, and 30 years of figuring out what I deserved.
Some women are scared of anything that is different, so when a man treats them well they question it to death. Believe me, I know. My husband and I married five weeks after we met because it just felt right. After 2 1/2 years of marriage, one son and another on the way, I have no regrets. My husband is the kind every woman should have. I would tell "Mixed-Up" that his time will come. Someone will cherish what he has to offer.
- Happily Ever After in Texas
DEAR HAPPILY: Thank you for sharing your hard-earned experience with my readers and me. I am pleased your marriage is working out, but I would not recommend that couples marry after knowing each other only five weeks. I advised "Mixed-Up" to widen his circle of acquaintances and fish in a different dating pool. Many readers wrote in to comment about his letter. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Mixed-Up in Missouri" said he treated his wife and girlfriends like queens. Perhaps he wasn't telling you everything. I married a man who treated me like a queen too - until I did or said something he didn't like. You see, everything he did for me came with a price.
Yes, he did nice things for me, but he also expected me to reciprocate in specific ways that he never really explained. If I failed to do something the way he wanted, or with the "wrong" attitude, he would throw it in my face. He did not act out of kindness, but for what he could get in return. He never understood why I eventually quit trying to please him, and "got rid" of me after 14 years of marriage. It turned out to be the biggest favor he ever did for me.
- Glad to be Free in Indiana
DEAR ABBY: I dated many of these "too good be true" guys. I cannot stress to you how boring it is to "reign supreme" in a relationship with someone who wants only to do what I want to do, go where I want to go, eat what I want to eat, etc. Even the flowers and gifts don't make up for it.
Women don't want gifts - we want a man, a partner. In a real relationship I want to work as a team, experience new things and hear new perspectives. It's time for "Mixed- Up" to take a look at what he is actually bringing to the table - or what he's not.
- Tracy in Illinois
DEAR ABBY: I have no desire to be elevated to the status of royalty. What I'm looking for is someone who shares some of my interests, respects my strengths and can help me improve upon my weaknesses - someone who functions just as well on his own as I do.
"Mixed-Up" is young yet - probably too young to have gotten married. He needs to start looking at women as partners and not pedestal perchers. I'm sure some women are swept away by his courtship technique initially, but after a while, pedestals become cold and lonely. Women who are damaged or bitter will be distrustful. And secure, well-adjusted women will simply not be interested.
- Nobody's Queen in N.J.
DEAR ABBY: There's a saying about men who treat women like princesses. If you worship the ground she walks on, the ground she walks on will be YOU. *
- Norm in Huntington Beach, Calif.