How much would you pay to be a detainee at Guantanamo Bay?

T-Enterprise bets you'll shell out plenty for the experience. London's Daily Telegraph says the company, based in Glasgow, Scotland, is developing a new Xbox 360 game called Rendition: Guantanamo.

The premise is creepy. Players start out as detainees at the infamous camp - which has been sold to a private company. Their goal is to avoid torture, escape, and kill the mercenaries who control the camp.

The game is based on the experiences of Brit Moazzam Begg, who says he was lifted by the CIA in '03 and held at Guantanamo for two years.

Begg helped with the game and has a financial interest in it.

"The software firm approached me with this idea about making a game based on my experience in Guantanamo," he says. "My first response was hesitation - I was worried that it might trivialize my experience." He says the game will "bring those issues to people who would not usually think about it."

T-Enterprise director Zarrar Chishti assures the world the game is not anti-American: "No U.S. or British soldiers get killed in it. The only ones being killed are mercenaries."

Cowell: Boyle will prevail

Simon Cowell

announced yesterday that he would use his considerable (black magic?) powers to make sure

Britain's Got Talent

runner-up

Susan Boyle

launched a prosperous singing career. Boyle is recovering from a bout of anxiety that landed her in a London hospital Sunday night.

Simon rep Max Clifford says all Susan needs is rest: "Provided she's given a few days . . . she should be fine. All she wants to do is sing." He says Simon can't wait to work with the Scottish warbler.

Shia goes legal

The New York Daily News reports that

Transformers

boy-hero

Shia LaBeouf

will follow in the footsteps of

Tom Cruise

,

Matt Damon

,

Matthew McConaughey

, and

Kiefer Sutherland

as the next

John Grisham

man-hero.

The 22-year-old thesp has signed to star in the next Grisham adaptation, The Associate.

"I think he'll be wonderful!" Grisham says. "He's a very talented actor, and he's hot. He's the hottest 22-year-old actor in America, and I think he'll do a wonderful job."

Jay back on TV Sept. 14

Jay Leno

, who has been kicked out of his

Tonight Show

chair by that (not-so) young lout

Conan O'Brien

, says he'll launch his prime-time program,

The Jay Leno Show

, on Sept. 14.

The chaos was planned!

Hopefully this will end the incessant

Eminem

-

Sacha Baron Cohen

jabbering: MTV Movie Awards head writer

Scott Aukerman

said in a blog entry that the shocking stunt in which Cohen's character, the gay fashionista

Bruno

, jumped on top of Eminem was entirely scripted. Eminem stormed off the set after he shed Bruno, causing a whirlwind of speculation.

Neither star has commented on the event, and, in a mysterious development, the Associated Press said yesterday that Aukerman's blog entry had been removed.

Octo 'Jean Piaget' Mom!

Nadya Suleman

doesn't like

Kate Gosselin

, her competition in the make-your-kids-into-a-circus-act reality genre. "Don't you have, like, a lot of issues in your life? A lot of marital problems?" she asks of G. in a recent video. In a new vid posted on RadarOnline, Octo goes after Kate's show,

Jon & Kate Plus 8

, calling it "very exploitative and invasive in the kids' lives."

OctoMom says her reality show will be a classy, "documentary style" affair that will study the "growth and development" of her 14 kids. "I want it to be more intellectual and educational, not so superficial."

Vanessa: Propose already!

People.com says that in a new chat with Las Vegas columnist

Robin Leach

, actress

Vanessa Minnillo

, who is dating musical genius

Nick Lachey

, mentioned marriage no less than

three

times.

When Leach pointed to a five-carat ring on her middle finger, V.M. quickly retorted with "it will be 10 carats when it moves to the fourth finger!"

At least she's not a materialist.

Be an idol to yourself

Auditions for

American Idol

will begin June 14 at Boston's Gillette Stadium. Sorry, no auditions in the Philly area have been announced. Info:

.

Contact "SideShow" at sideshow@phillynews.com. This column contains information from Inquirer wire services.