I met "Paul" through an ad I placed on an Internet dating service. We have been out in person and have also been cyber-dating for nearly a year.
Paul used to live close by, but he got an offer on his place, so he sold it and moved to his second home in another state. He invited me to come along, but because I had college-age children still residing with me, I didn't move.
My kids have now moved into places of their own, and Paul has asked that we buy our own house in the state where my kids live. I agreed.
The problem is my extended family.
Except for my sister, everyone thinks I'm being taken advantage of. Paul has more money than I will ever have in my life. I trust and love him. My children approve of our relationship.
Does it matter that most of our relationship thus far has been spent on the Internet?
We talk on the phone, chat online and probably spend more time together than couples living together do.
How do I politely tell my family to back off?
If I get hurt, I get hurt - but it's a chance I'm willing to take.
- Happy and Hoping in Michigan
DEAR HAPPY AND HOPING: I have a suggestion. While in some areas the real-estate market is beginning to recover, it should become even better as the economy improves - so why don't you and Paul rent out your houses for now, and rent an apartment for a year in the area in which you are considering buying? That way, you won't be rushing into a purchase in an area you're not familiar with, and you and Paul can decide if you're as compatible in person as you are on the phone and Internet.
Please understand: I am not implying that there is anything wrong with Paul, only that you should not rush into making a hefty financial investment while in the heat of passion.
DEAR ABBY: My husband was laid off in 2008 and has searched everywhere, even out of state, for a job and has found nothing.
I feel bad for him because he is home 24/7.
I try to get him out of the house to no avail, and when I ask him to tell me how he really feels, he says he's fine and that he will be OK.
I want him to express the way he feels because he is keeping all of his pain and stress to himself.
How can I help him?
- Worried Wife in Englewood, N.J.
DEAR WORRIED WIFE: Men and women do not always express their innermost feelings in the same way, so please stop trying to pry the pain and stress out of your husband or you may add to it.
What concerns me more than your husband's unwillingness to "dump" is the fact that he is staying in the house 24/7. Cocooning is no way to find another job.
However, volunteering some of the time he has on his hands could be. And that's what you should insist he do.
DEAR ABBY: I have cancer, and my family and friends are hosting a fund-raiser with dinner and a silent auction.
My question is: What do I do with the things that are not purchased? Should I return them to the donors or what? Thank you.
- J.C. in Illinois
DEAR J.C.: Offer to return the items to the donors, and if they refuse, donate them to the American Cancer Society at one of its thrift stores. *
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