Ask Amy: Change relationship - or end it

Dear Amy:

I have been in a long-distance relationship for more than three years. We're students at different schools, and we see each other about once a month and during holidays.

Lately I feel different in the relationship. I am very resentful that he constantly chooses to please his family and friends before me.

I suspect he feels so secure in the relationship that he feels he can overlook my needs. I feel I am constantly sacrificing something of mine to keep the peace. I've tried communicating these issues in a nonjudgmental manner, but he gets defensive and won't budge.

When we are together, he treats me well, but when we are apart, he forgets who I am.

I've recently met someone. I've never cheated before and feel awful. The other man knows that I am in a relationship. He is sweet and kind, and treats me wonderfully. I've started developing feelings for this other man, but I feel it would never work because he would never trust me.

I know that if I stay with my boyfriend, we'll eventually get married and have a life together, but I really enjoy how this other man makes me feel.

My boyfriend graduates in December, and he's coming back home to me. I don't know whether to break it off or wait it out. The guilt is awful.

Dear Sad: If you don't like the way your relationship with your longtime boyfriend is going, you should do what you can to change it - or break it off. You have muddied the relationship waters by letting someone else into your life.

You should never assume that you and your boyfriend will mend things and marry, and you should never marry someone until you are prepared to be honest.

Sometimes people cheat as a way to get out of a relationship. I hope you realize that your boyfriend might be neglecting you because, like you, he has found someone else.