Dear Amy:

Every year, my family members exchange our gift lists, and every year I shop, wrap and ship gifts in time for Christmas.

However, one family member, who always is the first to ask what we would like for Christmas, continuously sends gifts days, weeks and at times months after Christmas.

As much as we really enjoy and appreciate the gifts, it is becoming somewhat insulting to receive them so late.

We have a very small family, and it is only my husband and I who receive the gifts late. This family member absolutely refuses our request to not send gifts, so we have tried to make it easy by suggesting donations to favorite charities, gift cards or even a Christmas Day phone call in lieu of gifts, but all suggestions are ignored.

And knowing that this family member finishes shopping before Christmas, I even have sent a prepaid shipping label, suggesting it would be easy to send the gifts in a timely manner.

Frustratingly, the gifts are never sent until after the holidays. How can I politely say please do not send our Christmas gifts in February?

- Merry Valentines?

Dear Merry: You have pulled out the stops in terms of trying to control or modify this person's behavior, and nothing has worked.

So the next thing you should try is... nothing.

You've been overfunctioning, so now it's time to see what would happen if you just went about your merry Christmas business and let the presents or phone calls fall where they may. If and when you get a gift, you can react. Until then, just assume you've fallen off this family member's list and be relieved of the burden of trying to get this person to behave appropriately during the holidays.