I'm pretty sure my husband is addicted to adult porn movies. We have several pornographic DVDs in the house and I can tell when they have been moved. He denies he's watching them, so confronting him again will only make him more angry and possibly push him "underground."
Our sex life, which used to be grand, has become almost nonexistent.
Do you have any suggestions?
- Suspicious in Florida
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Yes. Rather than accuse your husband of being a porn addict, start a discussion about what has happened to your sex life. He may need to be examined by his doctor to determine if his problem could be physical. If that isn't the case, then marriage counseling with a licensed therapist might help.
However, it doesn't seem likely to me that a man who views only "several" adult DVDs is a porn addict.
Porn addicts are usually glued to their computers at every available spare moment.
DEAR ABBY: I am married for the second time and have two lovely stepsons in their early 20s.
Recently they told me that my sister "Gloria" (age 55) had asked them to remove their shirts during a holiday event several years ago. They were teenagers at the time. She told them she wanted to "at least look since she couldn't touch." After that, they no longer wanted to participate in family gatherings.
For the record, Gloria has a history of poor impulse control. She takes medication for it and also to control her temper.
She would verbally bait the older boy, who would then antagonize her until I stopped him from playing a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
My relationship with my sister has always been contentious. She used to beat me when I was a child. She was also controlling and tried to order everyone around.
Should I stop having family gatherings? Should I ask other relatives to police her? How do I confront her about the many things she has done?
Or should I stop associating with her?
- Vexed in Virginia
DEAR VEXED: Because your sister seems unable to distinguish between what is and isn't appropriate behavior, have a talk with her and tell her what you expect from her before the next family gathering.
I see little to be gained from a "confrontation" about what she did in the past.
If Gloria manages not to start trouble at the party, continue to include her.
If not, no law says you must. If you don't, be prepared for questions about her absence and answer them directly and honestly.
DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who is wondering what to say when someone calls me "sir" on the phone.
I have heard my voice recorded, and I don't think I sound like a man. Still, it happens. It makes me feel angry and mortified. What do I say?
- "Ma'am" in Cinnaminson, N.J.
DEAR "MA'AM": You should say, "For your information, I'm a woman." That should clear up any confusion.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.