Sideshow: Jail? Lindsay Lohan gets a bracelet instead

Sometime actor and full-time parole-slashing convict Lindsay Lohan surrendered herself to the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department's Lynwood Jail at 5:02 a.m. Pacific time Thursday to begin her latest jail term.

But she ain't really going to the big house: LiLo, 24, sentenced to four months behind bars after pleading guilty to stealing a $2,500 necklace, has been gifted with house arrest.

Authorities at the jail outfitted the Mean Girls star with a fashion-forward ankle bracelet and took her back to serve her sentence in her - no doubt fabulous - Venice, Calif., townhouse.

"She is now confined to the interior premises of her home at all times," L.A. sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore tells People. After house arrest is done, LiLo must perform 480 hours of community service at a women's shelter and work as a janitor at the L.A. County morgue.

Should the suits at Simon Cowell's X Factor be investigated for practicing accentism

?

TMZ and People say British X Factor judge Cheryl Cole, 27, has summarily been dismissed - because of her gorgeous Geordie accent. "Producers were concerned," says TMZ, that "her thick Newcastle English accent would be too difficult for an American audience to understand." Former Pussycat Dolls chanteuse Nicole Scherzinger is to replace Cole.

"Our Cheryl, kicked off X Factor?" actor Russell Brand said on a British TV news program Thursday. "Oh no! She's Britain's sweetheart."

Show reps say they are "unavailable for comment." (Are they busy washing their hair?)

Radio 'n' cable newsie talking head Ed Schultz apologized on MSNBC Wednesday night for describing his political and radio rival Laura Ingraham as a "right-wing slut." Shultz said his comment was "vile and inappropriate." MSNBC has suspended him indefinitely.

Ingraham took the ha! road. "First, I was surprised to learn that Ed Schultz actually hosted a radio show," she wrote on Facebook. "Second, I have to get back to recording the audio edition of my new book Of Thee I Zing. Now I'm tempted to insert one additional zing - about men who preach civility but practice misogyny." Schultz issued the epithet in response to Ingraham's criticism of President Obama for having a Guinness during his Ireland trip while Midwesterners were being killed by tornados.

Amber Rose, 27, isn't really famous. The former stripper and model made headlines awhile back when her one-year on-off fling with Kanye West went south. But she tells Vibe mag she's not giving up the spotlight. Why should she?! It's her ticket to fame and fortune.

"What am I supposed to do? Crawl up in a corner and die 'cause I'm not with Kanye anymore?" Rose says. "Am I supposed to go back to the strip club and not take these opportunities that I have?" She adds, "I will always love [Kanye] as a person."

Rose's latest career, I mean luv, move - dating rapper Wiz Khalifa - will help her stay in the gossip columns at least another 15 minutes.

Julia Holcomb, who wrote an essay on antiabortion advocacy site LifeSiteNews.com claiming Steven Tyler had pressured her to abort their baby, says she doesn't have hate in her heart.

"I pray for his sincere conversion of heart and hope he can find God's grace," she says of the American Idol judge.

Holcomb says she met the then-25-year-old Tyler in '73, when she was a 16-year-old runaway. Seems Tyler petitioned, with her parents' help, to become her legal guardian(!), and romanced her for three years.  How will he respond? Care to guess?

Meanwhile, Tyler revealed a shocking secret after Wednesday night's explosive Idol finale.

"I never wanted to do American Idol," the Aerosmith front man told E!Online. "I . . . said, 'The show sucks. How can kids be [on the show]? They haven't played clubs, they haven't paid their dues.' " Adds Tyler, "I was wrong."

Local bands, singers, and musicians have until May 31 to enter the Kimmel Center YouTube Talent Contest. Post an original video of your work at www.youtube.com/kimmelcenterarts. The winner will perform at the Summer Solstice Celebration on June 18.

"I'm totally in love. . . . I'm happier than I've ever been." So gushes former TV gabhost Ricki Lake, 42, about her new beau - who happens to be a non-celeb! A layman! Civilian!

"His name is Christian. He's a nobody," Lake tells People, "but he's somebody to me. He's everything to me." His love is sooo amazing, Lake has been ignoring her weight-loss regimen. Instead, "I went on a love binge."

The finale of pop goddess Oprah Winfrey's show on Wednesday got the program's highest rating since February 1994, says Nielsen. Audience is expected to be around 15 million. . . . Kim Kardashian's family is thrilled to bits she has fiancéfied sexy bf Kris Humphries. "We are so excited. He's a doll and she couldn't be happier," her mom, Kris Jenner, tells Extra. If you're wondering, the 20.5-karat rock Kris gave Kim is worth $2 mil. . . . Former American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi told George Lopez on Lopez Tonight she once was hospitalized after eating six marijuana-laced brownies someone else had left at Paula Abdul's house. She ingested so much pot, she had hallucinations. "I almost died," she said. . . . Sex-starved Ryan Reynolds fans: Don't throw yourself at the thesp just yet. He's not quite over his ex, Scarlett Johansson. "Anyone who gets divorced goes through a lot of pain, but you come out of it," Ryan, 34, tells Details. "I'm not out of it yet. At all. But . . . there's optimism."