Q: I've been seeing this guy for a while and am wondering if I should give up on him. I really like him but he refuses to settle down, and I am so ready. I know he cares about me, but he's always out doing his thing. It's hard for me to know what he's up to because he plays drums in a band, so he's always off in some club. I try to go sometimes, but instead of listening to the music, I find myself watching the other girls, trying to figure which one is more his type than me. I know it's crazy, but I can't stop myself.
Mia: Oh, honey, you have to stop. You say you want a relationship, but the good ones are built on trust. You don't have that with drummer boy. Being able to say, "I'm with the band" isn't worth the heartache you're feeling. Trade that guy in for a bass player or anyone who'll make you feel secure and not like you have to be on constant groupie patrol. If you need help getting over him, get therapy.
Steve: Forget the band. The key words in your email are, "he refuses to settle down." Why force him? You may be ready, but he isn't. Find someone who is, or you'll be settling for years of pain.
Q: I called home the other day and my wife picked up and asked me to hold. I heard her talking with her mother, who was asking us if we could all drive together to her family's reunion this summer. My wife didn't say yes but she didn't say no, either. I think it's rude of her parents to bum a ride from us. I know we're going anyway, but I'd appreciate the time in the car with just my wife and kids, not the extended family. I didn't tell my wife what I was thinking because I didn't know if I was in the wrong. My wife is good to my side of the family, and I wouldn't want anything to change that. But can't a guy just do his own thing without having his mother-in-law asking for a rest stop every 20 miles?
Steve: How often does she bum rides? If it's all the time, you should draw the line. If once in a while, chalk it up as one of the compromises every man and woman has to make in marriage.
Mia: Suck it up. Set the ground rules in advance and let everyone know what they are. For instance, the driver is in charge of the radio. Anyone else who wants a say in what music gets played should bring a headset. Let everyone know what and when the food stops will be as well.
As for your mother-in-law's leaky bladder, have a heart. If you're lucky, you're going to be old too one day.